Awesome day

Today had an awesome day, felt after ages opened up. My mind and my heart. Failed in going for confession. Had planned to go for confession today. Simple reason to decide this is because our lent season had already started and just wanted to lighten my burden. Well I woke up around 7am (because it is saturday and I wake up generally late) but then felt as if something held me back home and didnt permit me to go about making confession.

It was out of the usual that I fell asleep again and directly woke up by around 8:45am.The best part of my life was, as soon as I opened my eyes, my hubby and my son was both in front of me. Its the first time ever that I saw both their faces as soon as I rose up from my deep sleep.

Well, something in me is just breaking apart now-a-days. And the worst thing is I dont know what it is. Well, may be it is because I am moving from one phase of my life to another this year. For those who do not know; I am just married about 1.5 years back but at the same time also blessed with a baby boy in the same year. I am a mother now. Never believed and even felt that I would become one. Till 2014 I was thinking I wouldn't even get married but suddenly the table turned and my good fortune tied me up with my husband. When I talk about my husband, he is a gem. I have never seen such a man ever in my life before, he is a sweetheart. I sometimes feel I do not do justice to him. I need to work more hard towards my relationship with him.

Many a times I fail to understand him. I fail to understand his feelings, his thoughts and moreover fail to understand him. I feel somethings suffocated, I feel trapped. These are all my thoughts, because if you see in reality, I have no reasons to feel all these negative things, may be this is the reason the devil in me didnt allow me to go for confession in the morning.

I feel blessed having him as my husband,and I feel on the top of the world because of my son. My intuation says my son will turn out to be an holy perosn.

We went out for shopping,and then came home, sandwiches were made in the house for dinner, ate them and now about to sleep.

Overall had an awesome day.

Software’s / mobile applications

I was going through Mumbai Mirror and dashed through this article on ‘You’ column. Usually I read almost only the headlines and directly jump on the ‘You’ column in Mumbai Mirror which is my favorite; but today found this unusual article on Software’s / mobile applications which are to be installed on the Smart phones.

This software’s can help you find online partners who are ready to get intimate with you with little or no clue about you. They may be from your social circle by accessing your facebook profile or any one random, their names and identity are kept anonymous.

Isn’t this something really very strange about our society now-a-days that they are constantly looking forward to get westernized? What has happened to the Indian culture and Indian tradition?

As it is rightly said ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’ and I believe it is wrong, void, in-human, insensible and an ominous activity.

I ran through the entire page and could see that they were speaking about some 6 software just to name few but there are many other applications available in the market too.

Insanity has crossed its limit and reached the peak of the millennium. I feel something has gone wrong with the modern generation and they ought to change their beliefs and understand the real sense of being INDIA.

Salute to our ancestors for being so great, great in their thoughts, words and actions…!!! Salute!!!

Fiery day - Yet beautiful

I never liked such climate ever before. Today I am getting immense pleasure to share that I am happy, I do not care how fiery it is outside, I do not care if it is too chilled in the office; something is just making feel like efflorescence. It is such a great great feelings.

Sometimes back I had been downstairs to munch Pani Puri my favorite amongst all the junk food. The distance between my office building and the K3 shop at Hiranandani is hardly few steps away; but it felt as if I was kept on a furnace and been given punishment for not having lunch in the office. Ahh I didn’t have lunch in the office today; as today being the Veg day in the office; the food is the usual stuff like dal, rice, some vegetables with lot of coconut and garam masala and to add to it some sophisticated names like Dal-Makani or Paneer masala and please do not go with such big names it simply includes some more coconut or some additional masala or added salt and one sweets. Ufff I am too bored eating the same stuff everyday and so decided to munch something outside.

To my luck no one accompanied me, everyone was busy to complete work before 15:30 hrs. Do not know why but our organization will be holding a Town hall on Security matter. So everyone is just rushing to accomplish as much as they can before 15:30 hrs. I am the only insane person (sorry to name me one like this) who is least bothered and wanted to munch something for lunch. And with this I went downstairs alone. It is mighty hot outside; felt as if God has forgotten that we (human being) live here on the planet and cannot live in a windless earth merciless earth that does not allocate the right proportion of heat and just spoils our being.

But in-spite of all these I am feeling good, happy and content. Something is gone in my heart and head; do not know what is it, still to figure it out.

Taking bid adieu will write more after sometime.

Feeling Insane

"It feels so ugly to see oneself when we are way below our expectations".

I had been to an Ayurveda doctor yesterday. Had a lot of expectations in my heart, as I am looking forward to reduce weight substantially and it isn't happening.
I am 18 kg overweight now; and it feels as if I carry a 10 yrs old child on me all the time weighing 18 kg. My body doesn't allow me to run, walk fast and even all my clothes are undersized now.
So with great enthusiasm I visited that doctor, as heard a lot about him and his medicines and also heard that a lot of people found it worth.
When I weigh myself and the number stricken 70kg, I was zapped to see myself in such size.
My friend had been with me and she is the same as me with only 3 kg lower than mine.
It is scary to even think the repercussion of the scenario; if I do not pay attention now and reduce, I might not reduce ever.
Now on a strict diet and strict medication, hopefully should get back in size in another couple of months.

Anxiety and Panic Attack

Today although I started late from home for office, the day is very smooth and bouncy.

Invariably I am enjoying my day. Today being Friday I have certain routine work to be completed at office; on the other hand not in a mood to stress myself to do any additional responsibility.

Even though I don’t want to work; it is still happening in its own sweet phase for which I don’t have any complaints.

Last Friday around the same juncture I was at home down with fever resting. Was also trying to prepare shawl for my nephew for his upcoming baptism during the time I wanted to break from my sleep and do some activity.

Got a lot of spare time today, it may be because I am not able to prepare the Travel Claims form that I was working upon and just want to relax my mind to get better ideas on the VB codes.  No don’t get me wrong, I am not a programmer by professional, got the habit of doing new things all the time and so took up this project as well to explore myself to new possibilities.

Ultimately just to chill out and relax my mind was going through some videos on YouTube and came across this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ArtxNt606U

I am sure you would enjoy practising the therapy mentioned in this Video and implement it in your day-to-day life.

The video in the link is about ways to reduce Anxiety and Panic attacks.

It helps to overcome with anxiety and have a healthy life.

I further landed up with this site which I found very effective; it is free on-line self-help therapy on Anxiety and Panic attacks and have about 10 audio's on the same. I am sure it would help you in finding ways to deal with your own fear and anxiety as it helps me during my time of distress and anxiety.

http://www.selftherapy.org/stop-anxiety-panic-attacks.php#

I also had small and healthy discussion on one more ongoing project with one of the Manager out here.

I am sure this should refresh my mood just after I am done with this blog writing and on with the questionnaire preparation.

Alas the working hours are about to finish.........

A tender girl

I met a tender girl in the present office that I am working for past 5 months. When I

saw her for the first time, felt as if I had seen her before, she is not as beatiful

as an acctress but down to earth and has a very pleasant personality.

She is different than other girls that I have come across; when I board in the bus I

sometimes sit beside her and get to know about her insites, her feelings, her views.

Although I dont agree to all, but its always good to know her.

I sometimes feel she over-estimates the world and many a times underestimates

herself. All these are unknown to her, difficult even to explain her. She has an

inner beauty of her soul which I believe very few observes or notices.

Sometimes I feel her soul shouts out with pain to the core, to let people around her

know what she wants, how she wants and rather the perfect way to perfection; but all

in vain !!

Her personality I find has a mixture of emotions, and that mixture is unknown !!

I wish she gets the best and understands herself before it is too late.

First day of Birthday month – August

I started my day with full hope and excitement; had worn my best top, which is pink in color with different color flowers on it, sleeveless and looks like as if a gown.

As this is my birthday month and it is my normal tendency to dress up well, started with this…!!!

Came to the office, and was too excited as I knew today evening will be meeting HIM.

Had to prepare about 3 big reports during the day and managed to finish them all.

I surprisingly received a compliment from one of my colleague for my work. Wow……it feels so good to receive some compliment for all the hard work that you do!!! I am been receiving compliments for the work that I perform in my new office where I am working now, it really raises my moral and I get all the courage to perform even better than yesterday.

Met him in the evening, and after almost a month of asking from him got it today evening. This makes me so happy and content only he understands.

Returned home late late in the night when the entire street is lonely and everyone was fast asleep.

Don’t know why but was repeating this very song the entire day…..sung by Mohammed Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar, picturised on Rajesh Khanna & Sharmila Tagore in the movie Aradhana.

"Bago me Bahar hai, Kaliyo me Nikhar hai…………tum ko mujhse pyaar hai…………nana na na nana"

We have planned to meet even tomorrow, let’s see how it works out.

And now sleeping hoping for a better tomorrow.

Last 30 days for 27yrs

Time passes so soon and I guess will never return. My growing age, subsiding youthfulness and charm.

This Invaded angry in me; Restlessness and illusion of being successful is keeping my angry invade at a pace that is very harmful.

I should not allow this to win over my conscious and control myself.

It is been 11 months since I had made my resolution for this year, and when I look back and contemplate on it; I can see that I have achieved some of the resolution for my year that is gone after a lot of hard work or may be destiny.

Let me just give a glance on the resolutions:

1) Have enough bank balance. –

Not fulfilled.

2) Study hard and clear with flying colors. –

Somewhat managed too with some good percentage.

3) Learn some more good recipes where I can cook for him. –

Achieved a little, but a long way to go.

4) And last but not the least grow in career and reach and cross the position that I held in my pervious orgn. –

This resolution I had made on my birthday and I believe I have achieved most of them; I should be excited for it; but still I am not, why??? May be because I had made a lot of sacrifices personally to get all these. Is it justified to get something on the cost of something else?

I really don’t know, want someone to tell me, advice me, want to know the ramification such actions.

Anyway the time has come to make new resolutions, shall be thinking over it and put it up for the new and fresh year to come…………..

Yes achieved, in terms of monetary as well as position.

SHADOW

It was dark at night; only few dogs ahead and some gittering sounds of the Nightingale.
I suddenly realised someone beside me, tall, dark and huge right beside me.
I was scared. To avoid dashing to this tall and dark hooded figure I attempted to get aside; but all my struggle were in vain.
I couldnt escape from this hooded figure. As I was walking ahead this figure was walking beside me.
When I turned around it also turned around with me and went right behind me, this time it turned very small but dark hooded figure.
As I walking and crossing that big road ahead, the shinning sun my long lost friend started appearing and as the sun was appearing this hooded figure started lightning and finially vanished.
Then I realised it was nothing but my own figure.....my own image.........MY SHADOW.

A little odd and even

Yesterday while returning from office, I didn't take the usual train as I board which starts from Andheri station but took another train which runs right from Churchgate station.
I  rushed to the crowded train as I didn't wanted to miss this, it was unusually crowded, I was hanging right outside the train. Only half of my feet could take support of the foot board while I was holding the middle rod, tight with both my hands.
A lady was just ahead of me who was equally hanging as me. Even her entire body weight was on my hands, which was making it difficult for me to hold, the fear of leaving this earthly body, I  was holding the rod and took the grep too strongly as I could.
The train was rushing in its ultimate speed and I was swinging along with the train.

The hanging bag which I was carrying on my right shoulder was hanging as if a coconut on the tree which was waiting for the storm to come to fall down; the rushing train on the opposite track was making it all the more easier to achieve its motive.

I could not believe that it was taking such a long time for Borivali station to come. Both my arms were paining horribly but leaving me with no excuse but to carry body weight of both of us.

Alas the Borivali station came after a long struggle of 14 minutes, this was the time I realised why my life is so important. This is the only life that we get and we should live it to the fullest not allowing the negative thought of giving away with life.

I really don't know whether to become happy with the experience which was closer to death or to be sad that I had to face such a turmoil. But whatever the odds and even it may be I learned a new thing in life.

Life seems Mechanical

I came online to chat with my fiancé, my love; but guess unfortunately he might have gone to sleep (presently his ship is anchorage in China for repairs), and so did not turn up online for chatting. Meanwhile one of my other friend came and we were chatting; in the mid of the conversation I realized and I told him “you are right at one given point in time life seems so mechanical.” Don’t you think it is a common topic in everyone’s lives now-a-days?

We are so busy in our daily routine that we forget most of the times that there are so many milestones in life to cross; and just in the mid of the milestones we become so busy that we forget that if things aren’t sorted out we might miss a chance for the next milestone.

Here I am talking about milestones like to list few, our birth, adolescence, teenage, early 20’s, mid 20’s, marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood and then finally old age.

Now I am just 26 would be completing 27, unmarried. At time stage of life I am so busy and frustrated, that, at times that I don’t realize this frustration which I hold at times, might take away somebody else’s smile for that while. No time for self, no time for friends, no time for family. Aren’t we have become selfish and we have become so self-centered that we have forgotten that we need to be somebody’s spouse, parents, children, in-laws etc and we have to cross those milestone some day.

Coming to the point, in this mechanical life of the daily routine; waking up early, dressing up, going to the office, meeting SLA’s, quality, quantity, projects, assignment, weekend’s college, studies, cooking, washing cleaning etc, this whole routine is becoming so bizarre that I now ask for time to breath; I want to get away from this vicious circle and do for what I am born. What to fulfill the reason for what I have taken time birth.

Last year around the same time I had met a panditji who had told me about my previous life. He was mentioning that due to my previous life’s boug I took birth in this family and in this place; and my purpose of this birth is to serve elderly people around me. But I always have a question in my conscious that Am I giving time to fulfill my purpose? And there is a straight and precise answer ‘NO’. This answer disturbs me every time I become self-centered and forget my duties.

Saturday-a whole day at home

Today, I was the entire day at home; not because I didn’t want to move out of the house. I had to go to the college but unfortunately yesterday while cleaning the house my right ankle got twisted and got a sprain there.
For initial few hours, I could walk with little pain; I had assumed that there is nothing wrong to worry about. However, later in the evening swelling took the charge of my ankle, and now it is dark green.
The size of my feet is double than the normal size that I have. It’s paining terribly. I had to go to the college, submit my assignment (although not completed yet) meet people, eat some junk food out; but all  I am doing is reading some books, doing household work and right now in front of the monitor trying to search something online!
I feel that everything happens for a purpose in our lives. The fatigue of the bill run is still to go; It may be because since the time bill run is over, I am working from morning till night at home. Okay I did not mention the reason for taking off, the neck of our family; my mother is unwell since Wednesday, due to fever and ear infection and the pain is at this moment too much to bear. I wish and pray that she becomes alright soon and so will I be fine.
For now I shall be preparing for the assignment to be submitted in college.

Sometimes bad happens for good…!!

Today when the world was busy celebrating Eid someone was parting for this world.  Tears were rolling down many people’s eyes especially 2 of them. 

This was expected as doctors had given hope, but still our hearts were still praying for her to be fine, stand up and start walking, talking to us and again enjoy this glorious life. She wanted to live more, she wanted to be alive, but the only thing that she could do is, cry, cry in pain!!!

All the efforts put by her son was in vain a pure dud.

Her pain was unbearable. Eventually she couldn’t eat, sleep, drink or even talk. I remember my bhabhi sharing that she used to drink only about half tea spoon full of water in 24 hours.  She was suffering for an oral cancer. Which had started from just a pimple in her mouth, which then grew to such an extent that her checks were rotten and slowly her jaws started rottening and eventually it was difficult for her to even drink a spoon full of water.

I remember I had seen her fit and fine when we initially had been to her place but today she is no more in this world, she passed away.

Finally she is free from the imprisonment of this cruel body which troubled her for 5 yrs till now ever since she was caught with this disease Cancer.

The one whom I am mentioning is none other but my brother’s mother-in-law..!!

Only 5 days to go……….

I have a heavy breath now and counting days. No, not for anything else but this time it is for my birthday that is arriving.

Like every year this time too I tried rewinding my memory and taking a year back. My last birthday gift from my love is unforgettable, and I still feel that I hold that as a sweet memory in my heart. My tabernacle had become violent,yet marvelous and the most clandestine.

I just loved / love my birthday gift last year.

Today, I am rewinding my year right from that time onwards; my last birthday in the year 2010.

I and he had started my year together; although never expected but, it was a sudden surprise for me that this happened. But, just for a 1 day’s happiness had obliterated both of our happiness. Guess its mending now!

Left my previous job, in the month of November with 2 months prior notice. Yes, I will not deny that I did not like that place. I liked it and learned a lot but because they did not trust my guy’s capability and did partiality towards him, broke my trust in them.

Now how hard I try I cannot confide in them for anything in future, not for him and not for me too.

Later joined another organization starting with the name ‘D’..uffffff cannot explain how horrible and pitiful  I found myself during those 17 days in that organization.

Later was at home for about 1 ½ months. Had the regular routine for college.

Something exceptional happened during that juncture. I helped my brother in his business for about a month; where I could actually streamline his business and show him his books of accounts.

And finally joined the organization that I am in !!

Albeit it was a Sabbatical vacation for me, but the most painful juncture of my life; where there was no incomings but only outgoings. I had no source of income but my expenses were the same as had the regular routine of my day on, infact with additional activities.

No ATM card,  No shopping, No outing and No fun; but I feel that this one year has left an imprint in my life, rend my heart into pieces and has taught me how to stand-up even falling hundred times and also to wear a smile all the while.

Now in just another 5 days would be entering a new fresh year of my life, and this day will make me 26 yrs old. Cannot believe that time is flying like a breeze; just touching at the edge of my body and moving away; not even allowing to breath properly or even think on those lines of improvement.

There is a tremendous change but yes I am happy with it. This is making me stronger day by day. The inner strength of soul and the courage to hold up everything is becoming vital to understand and implement.

Now, where do I stand in my career life ?? And the answer that I get from my conscious is back to the starting point, from where I started almost 5 yrs ago from Aramex to DHL to ICICI Prudential  to Seaspan and now at Orange. The salary that I drew in DHL and the salary in the present organization is the same.

I was very happy in the year 2008 when I jumped thrice the salary that I drew with  Aramex; but I am asking to myself; Am I justifying my career life?? Have no answer yet, but the question has clicked in my heart.

But, have made certain resolutions for my year to come:

1)      Have enough bank balance.

2)      Study hard and clear with flying colors.

3)      Learn some more good recipes where I can cook for him.

4)      And last but not the least grow in career and reach and cross the position that I held in my pervious orgn.

Hoping for the best and I know that I can do it.

“Life gives a lot; and takes back some too. I will get; what I own.”

Chudel (Witch)..!!!!

Chudel many people think that this souls are wicked and always does bad for people around. But has anybody thought about what do they feel, when they are being prejudice of doing something which may be they haven’t done ever.

I remember some tales that I had seen on TV serials and even some stories read in the book regarding Chudel’s. I remember this with dwindle memory but yes some were concentrating on the worst side of their stories. It was even said that if you are distill from heart and want to flourish in your life, you should go and bring a hair of either of these witches and keep it beneath you and doing such, these chudel will do anything and everything that you ask her to do and fulfill all your dreams.

But has anyone even thought about what will be the repercussion of this entire episode if one would have done it?

There are people even doing witchkraft. I mean if such activity is supposed to be named then why as witchkraft only?? Anyway so far I am never being successful in finding an answer to it.

 

On the other side; if ever such creatures exists, how they must be feeling about we human-being thinking about them such? I know the irony will be something else, but this is what it is.

I also remember serials I used  to watch like ‘Chandrakanta’ ‘Alif Laila’ and so on and so forth. They always picturized some good soul and some bad soul. Like in Alif Laila those stories that Laila spoke about used to also speak about some bad soul attacking the good soul and finally the good soul used to win. But, what I feel is what makes someone good or bad? I mean we used to enjoy the show and also curse ogre-the bad soul in the serial but is that the ogre was an actual ogre?

At times these words Chudel are also spoken as a bad word; and the heightest misery is; that now that we have a song with the title as ‘Ja Chudel Ja’. I mean its very annoying and embarrassing that we entertain such songs, but as the world is modernizing so is the acceptance increasing!! Can’t help out….but I personally do not support such actions..!!

CHUDEL…………THE WICHES…!!!!

Resolutions for the next Financial Year………Back to old times..!!!

Yes, I want to have a resolution for my financial year. I know I am a bit late, no actually too late. But as it is rightly said; ‘better late than never’.

All these days; I am falling short of money. Initially it was every end of the month my bank balance used to be may be in only 3 digits; and now it is in the mid of the month itself.

Honeslty, I don’t have a concert bank account only. I started my career with a bank account in ‘City Bank’ later with ‘ICICI Bank’ and then HSBC, my graph for the bank’s to have an account with were growing upwards and suddenly now with a co-operative bank account.

Do you know something; gone are the days, when I used to carry an ATM card and used to withdrew cash from the ATM machine and swap my card at every purchase.

Offlet I am back to the old days; where I stand in a queue for more than half an hour to withdraw my own money. Give verifications checks for my signature if at times there is a discrepancy. With this I remember that I have different signature at different times. With the modernization of times; we have stopped signing everytime that we are in a transaction and so am I. Isn’t it ? Now back to old  times.

My financial resolution is that I will spend less and save more this year ahead. But trust me although I am making this resolution for myself, I wonder for how long will I be able to follow.!!

May be, will continue withdrawing my money from the bank in the same fashion where atleast I will gain the ethics of signing and the control over my spending.

Now when I enter a shop, I carry cash along and I have the  limitations on my spending. In those initial days around 6 months back it was very difficult but now I guess the idiosyncrasy is changing……!

Last day of Bachelor Life for my elder brother

Finally the day has arrived when my brother will be dressed up in a king’s dress, yes; this is the day for him..!! His day! Since yesterday we are just around him, asking him, troubling him and teasing him.

I am sure, he is happy yet he refuses too. Everyone is at home, in florescence mood with high spirit. I love my family! They are the one among whom I am and was always with. I wonder at times how to manage life without them. My sister’s son has also come and he is too sweet, his name is Aryan. He will be the flower boy; oh lovely!! Saw his attire, he looks like a little rock star!!

Many more things to go so far……it is just 14:30 now……….will keep posting about the happenings………

Exciting junctures...!!!

I am at home down with fever. The atmosphere at home is pretty interesting infact influencing. Brother’s wedding preparation is full-on!!  Lot of things to be written; yet I am falling short of words. It is for the first time that I am unable to articulate my thoughts and put it down.

Yet, today something made me happy. I was delighted to receive her phone call. Got to know she is unwell, which really took my breath away. I am at home past 2 days with fever. Hoping and wishing the prejudice to pass away and the mercy of light shine upon me!

Mummy is busy planning for the wedding party, ohm let me be specific she is busy planning for the party a day before the wedding; we call it “rose”, whereas hindu’s call it ‘Haldi’. She is infact busy counting number of guest and the preparation.

My second brother; I really appreciate the amount of effort he is putting for the wedding to be fantastic! I guess the way he is taking interest, wedding party should be awesome. Although I am busy writing here, but have done nothing other than the shopping. Honestly I am unaware of the preparations to be done.

Want to share a very interesting fact; last Sunday I had been to distribute the wedding invitation card at my neighborhood and although I stay in the same society and house past 5 yrs; people are ignorant.  It is bizarre to share with you that, hardly anyone knows me.  We stay on the 1^st floor and the old uncle on the ground floor asked me ‘Okay! Lekin aap kaun ho? Aur kaha rehte ho? ’ It was so much embarrassing to know that the uncle whom I greet every morning when I leave for office doesn’t even know me and being a neighbor I am still a stranger.

Now, I am very hungry…guess my fever is slowing down……….will eat something now and promise to write about further happening……!!! Ciao…….!!!

Last few days……..Wedding preparation

Last few days had been too busy. My brother’s wedding is coming up. Though how much ever we try to keep ourselves free and catch up to socialize but time doesn’t allow.

Same is happening with me too. Infact I am not actively participating in the preparation and just had taken the responsibility of shopping clothes for self and family and had already completed; but ever since  this light of morrow is on everyone’s mind, there are late nights discussions, planning, shopping, contacting all the relatives friends……etc..etc.

Offlet somewhere in the heart I was thinking that I am turning 27 and still no news for my wedding, though I am hooked up with my boyfriend past almost 2 yrs but still no clear road ahead as yet.

The reason for this feeling to rise in me is, one of my friend infact the first friend from my college group got married the last sunday. Everyone of us had been there;  and really do not know why, but this feeling arised in my mind and heart. Nevertheless, I know that one day things will work out for me too….!!!

Next sunday is my brother’s wedding and I am so very excited for it. Mummy, though she is extremly florescence, but deep down she is worried and anxious. No matter how hard I try to convince her I still know that she will not be satisfied unless the marriage is successfully done.

I am too happy these days……yet busy too..!!!

Well just like that

Today after a very long time watched movie along with office colleagues. For initial few moments it was bizarre, yes seriously, I was not so comfortable but later got into the grove of the fun.

Ever since I quit my job from DHL Express in 2008 I experienced this now. We usually used to hang-out like these so often, but absolutely stopped offlet. Slowly and gradually there is a tremendous change in me. My nature and my thoughts have shaped up completely different and have taken an image as if like a closed bun.  I also developed an inferiority complex. A sense of self-consciousness have started mounting up and slowly and steadily completely lost in it.

Yes! This is a new transformation in me which I lately realized. I realized that I am not the same person which used to be 2 yrs down the lane. I really don’t know what happens to me; though at-times I am open and frank enough but on the other hand become so self-conscious. I wonder whether am I the same person or have I left myself way back and wonder will I be ever the same again……….!!!!!!!!!