Here and there-----feeling unwell

After a very long I saw today 3:30 morning. Was dreaming about different stuff and suddenly I woke up with a squeezing abdominal pain. It was horrible, swiftly I rushed into the wash-room and realised that I have an upset stomach. Since then am unable to sleep.

On a normal Saturday's I wake up around 9:30 to 10:30 am and today am up since then. Till yesterday I was  just okay and this sudden sickness and that too during weekend is so dis-heartening.

Some things are just unanswered. After almost more than 1 1/2 yrs suddenly getting in touch with many lost contacts. Is it something related to destiny or a coincidence? Well but it feels good to get in touch with people around, although virtual and not in person but still it leaves with a good feeling instate of living a lonely life.

I am changed. Earlier I used to enjoy being with people around me, and now, I love to spend time either alone or just with my family members. And why not, afterall I have a little new member in my family. My little Nannu. Everyday it has become a routine for me to rush back home from work just to spend some quality time with him.

He keeps me alive when I am in a lot of stress. Similarly yesterday I was feeling very upset, because I didn't get an answer to my question. It was related to my present, my future and my life. But that question was unanswered as the phone line got disconnected. Felt sad about it, but as the saying goes "A change is as good as rest"  so trying to adopt change in life, although it is very difficult for me to accept. May be I won't change but would try accepting change.

Its been sometime I have logged in to all the possible marine related social groups and sites. Trying to understand things that I must have never thought of. Some-one made me realise that I am a big dump and   a big looser. Don't know if I should accept this? But yes, this has left a space in my room for me to contemplate on the fact whether am I really a big dump or was it just a criticism to let me down.

He made me realise that a little knowledge is dangerous for our career, for our life and everything coming forth. May be he thought that I am over-estimating myself, but that isn't the true story.

Anyway this push has led me to discover new dimensions, so I feel everything happens for good and for a reason.

My life is a picture that speaks thousand words....................yet unheard....!!!

Amygdala Over-rules -- Its not ME but Amygdala

I don't know what I want to write down here today, as too many thoughts clouding in my mind and a very strong yet mild, shaken and moist feelings in my heart.

Feelings are something that is very difficult to govern once it harbors in the heart (well in amygdala which is considered to be heart by us). Exactly this is what is going on in my mind and soul.

I believe when we feel something our thinking mind is over-ruled by our amygdala and therefore feelings become greater than ideas generated by our thinking brain Cortex.

There are times when I think a lot but unable to make any concrete decision; I used to wonder a lot and never got any solution for it; then one fine day I came across this book called ‘Emotional Intelligence’, I read a few pages of it and kept it aside. No not because I did not like it, but with the passing time and overloaded work didn’t find time to look into it. I used to read that during commuting to and fro during the day.

Took up another book to read ‘Cognitive physcology’ which invariably spoke about the same things and therefore it created a space in my conscious to turn a few pages and read in detail.

In its early years, critics held that the empiricism of cognitive psychology was incompatible with its acceptance of internal mental states. However, the sibling field of cognitive neuroscience has provided evidence of physiological brain states that directly correlate with mental states - thus providing support for the central assumption of cognitive psychology.

It acknowledges the internal stress, beliefs, desires, ideas, knowledge as well as motivation.

Amygadala are almond-shaped groups of nuclei located deep within the medial temporal lobes of the brain in complex vertebrates.

When we see something and if that is too sensitive (eyes are the container of the object) it gets directly to the amygadala which is connected with a thin like substance and therefore we react quickly to things that are very sensitive to us, whereas when there is a logical thought we see the object, and it crosses our frontal lobe goes to the cortex where the logical thinking is done and the sensitive thoughts are then transferred to the amygdala and therefore we are less emotional towards stuff that are not so sensitive to us.

       

                                          

Here there is a grey area to put our efforts to think why we have sensitive things in life that makes us so emotional that we are unable to think logically about certain things.

Well coming to the point, today I don’t know why am I so emotional, feeling uneasy, may be because I missed receiving his call in the morning, and that to twice. It’s been a long time we spoke with each other. We last spoke for about half an hour on 20^th October and till now no conversation at all.

This had happened during the initial days of our relationship and now it’s been 3 yrs of our courtship, but the feelings are unchanged. I am still feeling that bad the way I used to feel when I used to miss his calls.

For sometimes I feel like forgetting him and wiping out all the feelings that I have harbored for him in my conscious (cortex) and should uproot his connection from my emotions (amygdala) but I fail doing that, I just couldn’t. He has become a part of my life, my soul and my conscious. 20^th Oct 2009 was the first time we had spoken with each other and now when we spoke after 3 yrs on the same day; it touched me, that day’s conversation has made a room in my heart and I am unable to forget.

20^th Oct 2009 we spoke about meeting each other and spending life together ahead, and now after 3 yrs on the same day we spoke about living individual life, separately. This phase of my life is just too difficult to accept. I am unable to understand the ramification of the whole scene.

Life isn’t the way we perceive it, and it even isn’t the way we expect it to be. Let me not confuse you with my ranting and so I end here with the phrase…….

“Thoughts once harbored, cannot be uprooted, and it always leaves a string that is attached”