Painting my thoughts

I paint my thoughts with uneven colors,

Some dark, some dim but some even shudder

Some filled with pinch of blue, orange and purple

It speaks about my life, my every struggle

A large portion with Red which is my emotions

Love, anger and its every possible circle

Some with off-white which convey my message

To every passer-by in my life who always buffet

Some lemon yellow which speaks about the spice

I add some tarnished red to give it a dice

I muster my feelings but I do not utter

Some black that covers all my insecurities

And there glitters my love, my feelings and all possibilities

I paint my thoughts!!!

Can life ever be simple?

I have seen a lot of ups and downs in life; however the way I am hurt past a week has never happened before.

Sometimes we place our life in somebody’s hand who does not take proper care of it; we become so much dependent on that person that we do not contemplate on our own desires, our own purpose to be on this planet, the addiction of that person ingrained so much in our conscious that we believe that we cannot live without that person, we keep on following their instructions, yes I call it instruction, because this is what it seems to be. Our life becomes so much directed by someone else that it misleads its path and follows somebody else’s path without even realizing and without questioning.

One day comes when that person stops to instruct, direct and command our life; we suddenly realize that, that very person has already left us mid-way in our life, the life that they created for us. We feel lost, because it was never our way, never our life, we had already surrendered our life to someone else and that has made them the master over us, not out of force, but out of choice.

Here is the time when one contemplates but it becomes too late to carry forward, too late to go back and change the past, too late to have one’s own life.

I call it a murder; a well planned murder of somebody’s feelings. In the law, there are punishments and fines if we do something wrong materialistically but what is the punishment or fine that God would/ have decided for someone who murders and misuses someone’s feelings, or misleads someone’s life?

Why can’t life ever be simple as we plan it to be?

Shiva and Sati and the religion

I was watching Mahadev

on Life OK channel yesterday. They have picturised the Lord Shiva is a very prominent manner, the actor Mohit Raina who is acting technique as Mahadev is an elite where he is like in real Mahadev with his well-built body; charming smile and adorable looks.

For the first time I got the concept of Lord Shiva and his wife in her first birth with the name Sati.

The story is something like this as per my understanding:-

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Sati meditated for years on just a bilva leaf a day (not sure how long) to be Lord Shiva’s wife; she was the daughter of Daksha Prajapati and his wife Prasuti. She somehow manages to get acceptance and consent of Lord Shiva and he marries her.

Without Sati’s knowledge Daksha cut her off from her natal family because she marries Lord Shiva whom he dislikes.

Daksha once organized a grand yajna and invited all gods expect Sati and Shiva. Sati assumed that her father did not invite her because he must have felt that she being the daughter of the house does not require a formal invitation. Besides she also wanted to meet her childhood friends, family and above all her mother. Shiva did not support the idea of self-invitation but Sati insisted and she went to her father’s house.

Daksha did not like this and out of arrogance insulted her and her husband Lord Shiva. She couldn’t take her husband’s insult; she blames herself for her husband’s humiliation. She called up praying that she may be reborn as a daughter to a father whom she could respect. She invoked her yogic powers which were attained by her due to her severe devotion and immolated herself.

Shiva sensed the disaster and with this his rage was incomparable. He loved Sati more than anything he could ever love. Out of rage he created Virabhadra an image of himself which is the destroyer and commands to destroy the world and destroy Daksha, whom he considered responsible for his wife’s death.

Virabhadra went out to the world to destroy Daksha, and on his way Lord Vishu interrupts his way and he struggles to stop him but of use. It is said that when Lord Shiva is in his rage, no one can stop him of his destruction.

After much-a-do he finishes Dakha by beheading him in his own yagna.

Later Shiva did tandava carried his death wife on his shoulder; while he was performing his tandava and moving; her body dismembered into 51 pieces and fell in various part of the earth. Those places are still considered and known as Shakti Peethas.

After that night; when Shiva was back to his normal being, he the all-forgiving, sustainer, redeemer Lord, forgave Daksha and his decapitated head was substituted with that of a goat.

Sati was reborn as Parvati to Himavat the king of mountains and his Wife Mena.

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Come back to Mohit Raina’s performance; he has acted incomparable to anybody who has ever performed as God in any drama/ serial/ movie. His charming face has grace, the grace that anybody seeks for. I remember the day when I had been for the Bhagwat Gita seminar at Bhakti Vedanta hospital. The speaker (the guruji) had that grace on his face and his vocal glands while proclaiming the glory of God and his teachings.

I personally am a catholic by birth but somehow believe that there had been the above myth in real, as I believe in Lord Shiva and believe that may be Lord Jesus Christ is another incarnation of Lord Shiva.

There are a lot of similarities when we talk about Catholic’s (Islam included as it is a part of Bible) and Hinduism. Both believe in Holy Trinity, and believe that all three are one and one-in-three. Both believe in the formation of Earth with the" word of God" Catholic’s believe the word of God came from The Holy Spirit, while Hindu’s believe that the word of God was ‘OM’.

My belief says that both religions are one; because the history is of 2 different countries and 2 different customs and traditions the demeanor were different and everything else was different; but the true essence of the story still remains the same.

Well, I end here with a saying…………………"Every coin has 2 sides; but are right, and both has a truth"

Software’s / mobile applications

I was going through Mumbai Mirror and dashed through this article on ‘You’ column. Usually I read almost only the headlines and directly jump on the ‘You’ column in Mumbai Mirror which is my favorite; but today found this unusual article on Software’s / mobile applications which are to be installed on the Smart phones.

This software’s can help you find online partners who are ready to get intimate with you with little or no clue about you. They may be from your social circle by accessing your facebook profile or any one random, their names and identity are kept anonymous.

Isn’t this something really very strange about our society now-a-days that they are constantly looking forward to get westernized? What has happened to the Indian culture and Indian tradition?

As it is rightly said ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’ and I believe it is wrong, void, in-human, insensible and an ominous activity.

I ran through the entire page and could see that they were speaking about some 6 software just to name few but there are many other applications available in the market too.

Insanity has crossed its limit and reached the peak of the millennium. I feel something has gone wrong with the modern generation and they ought to change their beliefs and understand the real sense of being INDIA.

Salute to our ancestors for being so great, great in their thoughts, words and actions…!!! Salute!!!

Dreamy evenings

Sometimes I really dream to have a pleasant evening; where I am sitting next to the seashore (I love seashores) with my husband/would-be, both of us gazing at the heated-ball which is subsiding and the flowing breeze running through my open hair; and which is blowing my hair on his face;

Then he sidelines it from his face to continue to gaze at the sunset at the same time glaring at me from the corner of his eyes. I understand the gamut of the intimacy but still pretend to act innocent as I seek his attention and finally receiving it.

He holds my hand and professes his love and I with shy eyes accept it with great pleasure.

Though how old the relation is, but still those 3 magically words work wonders in my heart which I long all the time for, I dream to receive those words every time we open a conversation and therefore to get it from the horse’s mouth I keep saying those to him.

In the same vein; I accept it with pleasure allowing him access to myself by snuggling up to him even more. We keep whispering in each other’s ears for hours without being bored or tired.

Later he spreads his feet’s and allows me to rest my head on his thighs rolling his finger gently on my hair; kissing my forehead showing how much I value in his life, holding my hands showcasing that he cares for me, kissing on my eyes showing that he is all for me only mine for the rest of my life.

Does anyone get such intimacy ever in life or will it remain just a dream? I wonder!!

Ever since I learned about relationship, this is what I assumed with pretext to Love & Romance. But as I am growing older and experiencing things in real I feel that those are just fairy-tales which are to be read, seen and forgotten; when reality hits the ground it leaves you clear-sighted and wipes out the dreams that we might have ever seen.

After the pleasant romantic evening he drops me at my door-step showcasing that he cannot see any danger approaching to me and keeping me safe at all the time. He kisses my hands saying ‘Bid adieu’ but really not meaning it; he wishes to see me the next day again with the glowing face. He wishes to see me every day from dawn till dusk of our life.

I really wish to have such a pleasant evening every juncture…………….Yet a dream!!!

1st May – turbulent day

I do not know whether I should praise about this day or should curse this day. This day had been the most remarkable day of my life.

On 30^th evening while I was approaching my house after work, I couldn’t walk normal, I was dragging myself till house, and my body was like a furnace flame, it was burning. The lady sitting next to me was for obvious reason not sitting closer to me (in local train we generally stick to each other while sitting allowing as many as possible to sit on one seat), I assumed I had high fever.

On reaching house without much a-do I reached to the thermo-meter and checked my temperature. I was shocked to see that it was 102 degree fever. I felt very annoying as my mother’s birthday was on the very next day, had planned a lot to do but with this fever I felt I could do nothing.

Slept the same night consuming ‘Duoflam tablet’, I knew with this tablet for sure my temperature would come under control but of no use, early morning the temperature still remained the same.

We had planned to give mumma surprise gifts, surprise lunch party along with her and our close friends. Somehow we managed to invite few of our friends without her knowledge. I finally dressed up in Saree so that she should be happy to see the celebration.

Suddenly, just before we could leave the house for lunch I received his call, " Hello Pr***, I am at home, the cook of the house poised mummy & papa and ran away" This shooked me and my entire focus shifted from the birthday to my dear in-laws. Weird thoughts immediately started running in my mind; I couldn’t wait for a minute, I forgot my pain, my fever but rushed to see them. I couldn’t speak anything further with him and so weird thoughts clouding my mind, I could think of nothing but their safety, I started praying to God. Fear ran through my veins. I cannot live an isolated life without them. I want them. I need them as parents, as guardians and as my family. I cannot afford to lose them.

Was annoyed with the fact that any tom dick and harry cannot just spoil and play with my parents (in-laws) health. When I reached house (in-laws house) it was 1600 hrs in the evening, he asked me to rush in the bedroom where both were fallen asleep. My sis-in-law had already come in and was with them.

My heart cried in silence, both were in front of my eyes, fallen asleep, both at the same time. A lot of fear mounted in my heart, I was fearful. I remember how he admires his parents, how much he loves his parents. I know how it feels when we lose either of them as I have already lost my father and have seen him dying with my own sight and for him both at the same time. I could feel the pinch what sis must be going through. The day turned upside down.

Police where there downstairs enquiring and pretending to investigate, he was with the police all alone, helpless and hapless

Mummy (mother-in-law) was too shocked to explain anything with little or control over her body; her innocent eyes were speaking while she was quiet and contemplating. My heart was crying in silence as I was finding myself so helpless.

I returned back early evening as my fever was still at its peak, couldn’t overcome the trauma the turmoil but still was playing a dual role between mumma (my mother) and mummy (mother-in-law). I love both of them a lot but unfortunately the day when it was the best day of my mumma’s life it was the worst nightmare ever for my mummy. I didn’t know how to react, so continued praying in silence.

When I returned house it was 2000 hrs and then to wind up and make for the day as had missed birthday lunch party of mumma went for dinner to Golden Chariot next to the house.

Mumma’s and everyone from family loved the ambiance and the food, I too enjoyed the food and the customer service of those employed there.

Nanu

my little baby too enjoyed as he got to accompany a little baby girl just opposite to our table.

He was playing and screaming on the top of his voice and managed to threaten and frighten the little baby girl. My thoughts were still clouded but somehow managed to end mumma’s birthday with another surprise.

Therefore it is indeed an unforgettable and unmanageable day and had marked a sign of fright in my life.