I don't know what I want to write down here today, as too many
thoughts clouding in my mind and a very strong yet mild, shaken and moist
feelings in my heart.
Feelings are something that is very difficult to govern once it
harbors in the heart (well in amygdala which is considered to be heart by us).
Exactly this is what is going on in my mind and soul.
I believe when we feel something our thinking mind is over-ruled
by our amygdala and therefore feelings become greater than ideas generated by
our thinking brain Cortex.
There are times when I think a lot but unable to make any concrete
decision; I used to wonder a lot and never got any solution for it; then one
fine day I came across this book called ‘Emotional Intelligence’, I read a few
pages of it and kept it aside. No not because I did not like it, but with the
passing time and overloaded work didn’t find time to look into it. I used to
read that during commuting to and fro during the day.
Took up another book to read ‘Cognitive physcology’ which invariably
spoke about the same things and therefore it created a space in my conscious to
turn a few pages and read in detail.
In its early years, critics held
that the empiricism of cognitive psychology was incompatible with its
acceptance of internal mental states. However, the sibling field of cognitive neuroscience has provided
evidence of physiological brain states that directly correlate with mental
states - thus providing support for the central assumption of cognitive
psychology.
It acknowledges the internal stress, beliefs, desires, ideas,
knowledge as well as motivation.
Amygadala are almond-shaped groups of nuclei located deep within the medial temporal lobes of the brain in
complex vertebrates.
When we see something and if that is too sensitive (eyes are the container
of the object) it gets directly to the amygadala which is connected with a thin
like substance and therefore we react quickly to things that are very sensitive
to us, whereas when there is a logical thought we see the object, and it
crosses our frontal lobe goes to the cortex where the logical thinking is done and the sensitive thoughts are then transferred to the amygdala and therefore
we are less emotional towards stuff that are not so sensitive to us.
Here there is a grey area to put our efforts to think why we have sensitive
things in life that makes us so emotional that we are unable to think logically
about certain things.
Well coming to the point, today I don’t know why am I so
emotional, feeling uneasy, may be because I missed receiving his call in the morning,
and that to twice. It’s been a long time we spoke with each other. We last
spoke for about half an hour on 20th October and till now no
conversation at all.
This had happened during the initial days of our relationship and
now it’s been 3 yrs of our courtship, but the feelings are unchanged. I am
still feeling that bad the way I used to feel when I used to miss his calls.
For sometimes I feel like forgetting him and wiping out all the
feelings that I have harbored for him in my conscious (cortex) and should
uproot his connection from my emotions (amygdala) but I fail doing that, I just
couldn’t. He has become a part of my life, my soul and my conscious. 20th
Oct 2009 was the first time we had spoken with each other and now when we spoke
after 3 yrs on the same day; it touched me, that day’s conversation has made a
room in my heart and I am unable to forget.
20th Oct 2009 we spoke about meeting each other and
spending life together ahead, and now after 3 yrs on the same day we spoke
about living individual life, separately. This phase of my life is just too
difficult to accept. I am unable to understand the ramification of the whole
scene.
Life isn’t the way we perceive it, and it even isn’t the way we
expect it to be. Let me not confuse you with my ranting and so I end here with
the phrase…….
“Thoughts once harbored, cannot be uprooted, and it always leaves
a string that is attached”
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