26th June 2011 – Memorable day for my brother & bhabhi’s life. (Wedding Day)

When he got ready; couldn’t believe that my eyes was looking at my little brother who is grown up now. Offcourse I am younger than him, but we have seen eachother growing together. And now, he is grown up so much that I am feeling that now more than anyone my bhabhi has her rights on him.

Do you know, inspite of these feeling, I am at peace. My heart feels as if to sing songs of melody and cheer the moment. They look fabulous together. When I was looking at them on the stage together; my eyes couldn’t move from them and as I said couldn’t believe that this day; looking at him on the stage with his spouse would be so loving and cheerishing!!

I had visited many weddings in the past, but the feelings and emotions attached to someone getting married has not touched my soul. Till date, marriages were so far just a ceremony for me; but yesterday I realised that seeing one’s own brother wedding is like a heart  touching ceremony.

Bhabhi was looking too pretty and had a cherry like appearance at the reception, her maroon saree was stucked on her as if some red linning on the sky during the spring season or gift for my brother wrapped in a  red safron ribbon. Also in the church in the white gown like a dream girl of my brother in his vision and we all witnessing them in the same dreamland.

Whereas my brother on the other side was a decent looking handsome dude;with straight collar blazer; a black shirt and with a broad smile. Yes, I am pretty serious at describing them, may be photographs would be an evidence, and shall definetly put one on here.

My mother, she appeared to be like a golden fairy who would fulfill everyone’s wish if asked to her on the very day; my uncle the most adorable gentleman and my dearest middle brother, the best brother and spouse anyone could have and her girl friend she was looking gorgeous in her salwar-kameez. And my other family members were equally beautiful and handsome.

It was a memorable day for me too; so as for my brother and bhabhi. But I missed someone very much; I just wish, wish!! that he could have been with me; dancing, gliggling and cherishing this day. But am sure that we will celebrate again once he is back home.

Along with wedding had his father’s brithday; though did not speak with him, but I just hope that his birthday and year ahead will be as per his wishes and desires.

A lovely and memorable day…………………………….

Last day of Bachelor Life for my elder brother

Finally the day has arrived when my brother will be dressed up in a king’s dress, yes; this is the day for him..!! His day! Since yesterday we are just around him, asking him, troubling him and teasing him.

I am sure, he is happy yet he refuses too. Everyone is at home, in florescence mood with high spirit. I love my family! They are the one among whom I am and was always with. I wonder at times how to manage life without them. My sister’s son has also come and he is too sweet, his name is Aryan. He will be the flower boy; oh lovely!! Saw his attire, he looks like a little rock star!!

Many more things to go so far……it is just 14:30 now……….will keep posting about the happenings………

Pleasant Weather

Today the weather is extremely pleasant. The clouds are running to and fro as if in search of a permanent seat at the parliament, but unable to find one and so rushing and gushing and trying to push each other downwards to fall upon us.

The soft, light green fresh meadows of grass spread on both the sides seems as if screaming and letting the world know that this is the place that they deserve and desire, oh yes!! Undoubtedly even the trees seem to be very happy as their love rain is falling upon them.

When I looked out of the window saw the hotel Royal Garden Restaurant, wow!! Even that is having as fresh as green color around.

This season so pleasing; I just love it; the picturesque is certainly marvelous!!The mushy land, which is crying out loud to be used for cultivation and irrigation; okay, how can I forget my rising sun. It is just too far away from our site, and this huge water spread across is so soothing to our soul. At times it feels as if our life goes as the river flows. If one has to contemplate on their life’s stumbling stones or rather stumbling blogs; one should relate it to this vast ocean, and trust me the answer will be right in one’s mind. I follow this; hope will work out for you too.

I love this climate……….hope you love it too!!!!

Two tiny feets…..

Want to share something very pretty but paramount I feel. While our office bus had halted at a signal; I was surprised, nopes overwhelmed, infact felt a tender touch when I saw those two tiny feets on the road with some elderly feets along, when I turned back and tried hard to view from the window and gradually rolled my eyes upwards. It was this small baby walking with her/his grandpa. The baby must have just put forth his/her feet on the ground and experienced the touch of the wet dusky road for the first time..!!

Those tiny feets were as lovely and beautiful as feeling of dulcet smile in the most adverse day of our life.

It filled my heart with great pleasure and felt like thanking God for bringing in this small baby in the world to show HIS true, pure and perfect love…!!!

No reason but still

No reason but still

This is the second time I am trying to pen down my feelings. I am too depressed. Yes, it is true !

I want to reconcile with the incident that had taken place almost a year back; but couldn’t or rather not finding a way out of it, why ?? I really don’t know!

My feelings have shaped up; it feels as if nothing else I want in this world but to compensate on the mistakes, but I wonder at times that was it really a mistake? At times we do not understand.

No one can empathize with me; yes I know. Tell me for an instant; if you were to meet the person you love for the first time after say about 8 months, would you think of the consequences or would you just take the first opportunity to meet??

Okay! Honestly I do not seek an answer to it, as I know most of you will also do the same as to what I have done. But unfortunately it is like a curse for me now. Now, when I feel I am a year ahead of that incident, I feel that if I had patience for a 8 months I could have easily hold on for another a day too.

Ironically even he feels the same now. But what has happened cannot be changed or rectified.

I feel miserable now! I have no words to explain the pain that I feel when I sit down alone with empty headed to think about all those things and the happenings!! But is it my fault? Or does that make me a cruel and bad mannered person? I don’t know.

 All my life, I am used too listening from my mother that she had prayed to Mother Mary to give a child in her image and she is lucky to have me in her life. She describes that I also have features like her and most importantly the nature like her’s. But it really upsets me when someone passes on her opinion that I am not a good looking girl, or rather not a well mannered person.

Well, lot to discuss and write down, but I wander will that make any difference to the opinion which is already structured in someone’s mind??

Exciting junctures...!!!

I am at home down with fever. The atmosphere at home is pretty interesting infact influencing. Brother’s wedding preparation is full-on!!  Lot of things to be written; yet I am falling short of words. It is for the first time that I am unable to articulate my thoughts and put it down.

Yet, today something made me happy. I was delighted to receive her phone call. Got to know she is unwell, which really took my breath away. I am at home past 2 days with fever. Hoping and wishing the prejudice to pass away and the mercy of light shine upon me!

Mummy is busy planning for the wedding party, ohm let me be specific she is busy planning for the party a day before the wedding; we call it “rose”, whereas hindu’s call it ‘Haldi’. She is infact busy counting number of guest and the preparation.

My second brother; I really appreciate the amount of effort he is putting for the wedding to be fantastic! I guess the way he is taking interest, wedding party should be awesome. Although I am busy writing here, but have done nothing other than the shopping. Honestly I am unaware of the preparations to be done.

Want to share a very interesting fact; last Sunday I had been to distribute the wedding invitation card at my neighborhood and although I stay in the same society and house past 5 yrs; people are ignorant.  It is bizarre to share with you that, hardly anyone knows me.  We stay on the 1^st floor and the old uncle on the ground floor asked me ‘Okay! Lekin aap kaun ho? Aur kaha rehte ho? ’ It was so much embarrassing to know that the uncle whom I greet every morning when I leave for office doesn’t even know me and being a neighbor I am still a stranger.

Now, I am very hungry…guess my fever is slowing down……….will eat something now and promise to write about further happening……!!! Ciao…….!!!

Endless thoughts, anxiety and worries....!!

Endless anxiety is over me. Life seems to be so tuff at times. Have no answer; but I have decided to enjoy everything in life, whether good or bad; exciting or depressing..!!

I feel as if I am like a crazy ball; everyone is trying to throw me hard towards the wall; and I try to bounce back in the same speed.

Hoping and wishing everything will be fine one day !!!!

Last few days……..Wedding preparation

Last few days had been too busy. My brother’s wedding is coming up. Though how much ever we try to keep ourselves free and catch up to socialize but time doesn’t allow.

Same is happening with me too. Infact I am not actively participating in the preparation and just had taken the responsibility of shopping clothes for self and family and had already completed; but ever since  this light of morrow is on everyone’s mind, there are late nights discussions, planning, shopping, contacting all the relatives friends……etc..etc.

Offlet somewhere in the heart I was thinking that I am turning 27 and still no news for my wedding, though I am hooked up with my boyfriend past almost 2 yrs but still no clear road ahead as yet.

The reason for this feeling to rise in me is, one of my friend infact the first friend from my college group got married the last sunday. Everyone of us had been there;  and really do not know why, but this feeling arised in my mind and heart. Nevertheless, I know that one day things will work out for me too….!!!

Next sunday is my brother’s wedding and I am so very excited for it. Mummy, though she is extremly florescence, but deep down she is worried and anxious. No matter how hard I try to convince her I still know that she will not be satisfied unless the marriage is successfully done.

I am too happy these days……yet busy too..!!!

Life fades, memories remain (School days)

I remember my 1^st day in the school, it was 1989, June. I was admitted in Jr.Kg in Kamla high school.

My class-room was on the 3^rd floor, toward left hand side as soon as we go upstairs  the 2^nd room. You know, at times memories play tremendous role in one’s life that we either remember everything or nothing!!

 I remember my 1^st day in school when mummy had dropped me in the class,my tears were continously rolling down my cheeks as I never wanted to go to the school; I loved my house, my brothers and my cousins. I always wanted to be in between them only. On the other hand no one else other than me was crying. I know it is strange to believe but that is the fact !!!

I remember rightly I was  the last student to enter the class. My luck, the bench right in front of the class teacher Mrs. Gomes was vacant beside Deepa Parmar; to introduce her, she is my 1^st friend in school when I was 3yrs and 10 months old. Right behind our bench were twins sisters Jimmy and Jolly.

Though I don’t remember their faces, and has  blur memories, but I remember they were extremly beautiful. The only thing that differentiated them were a mole in Jimmy’s right eye.

And offcourse Vikrant Sawant the one whom I called brother, (my childhood brother, luckily still in touch, thanks to facebook) and Nishapal. Soon after around few months she became my best friend.

Couldn’t forget my first day at school where I was full in  tears and like the most pampered child was insisting my mother to be beside me and she made an excuse to go to the washroom and then vanished.!!

My teacher within the 1^st week of the school made me the class representative which we used to call as the monitor of the class. Memories they play such an amazing role in one’s life !! Isn’t it ??

I cannot forget my school, my teachers and even my class-mates and friends.

Nishapal passed away due to cancer when we were in the 1st standard and Mrs. Rekha Gandhi was our class teacher.

I had lost interest in making friends, but yes, studies used to be my top most priority. My teachers made me the class representatives all through my school and college (except 8^th till 10^th std).

Speeches, elocution, poem recitation, singing….etc..etc…so many activties I was indulged in, but never had even dropped my precentage.

Later, hit the bad phase of my life, during 8^th std, we shifted to Vasai, may be because of distance from school, or the family conditions, dropped in studies, lost my father 11yrs before on 11^th June,when my school was about to re-open and was about to enter the 10^th std. It was that utmost days for me to deal with! But as it is rightly said; “nothing is permanent in life” and so are the difficulties.

I fought back the difficulties and again topped my class during std 12^th and left school with flying colors.

Mrs. Rekha Shahani teacher (now the principal of the school) had helped me a lot during my school days; though it be school fees, school uniform or clothes.!! I am thankful to her and even other teachers namely; Rama Rajendran, Prakash Sir, Mrs. Varsha Parwani, Mrs.Albina…. and everyone else who supported.

Albiet, how much ever I write; it will still be less and not sufficient to narrate my school days and describe my school. So here I bid adieu and conclude that school days were the best days of my life, and I would treasure it for as long as I am alive…!!!!

Fear of loosing.

Want to do something in life !! Guess this is what every mind thinks! Okay, to be realistic not everyone but most of us. Yesterday was our billrun day and today I came in half day to the office as had a compansate half day leave.

But surprisingly; I woke up around the same time as everyday. Later, I realised that I have an off and so tried taking a small nap for some more while.

When I got ready with my tiffin in the bag and shoes on, left home around 9:30 in  the morning.

While I was travelling, had a thought in mind. I don’t know how to share that; but confusion came over me. Really really confused. But am sure that I will do it, irrespective of the fear in my concious still I will do I, infact now I will do it. You know what ?As soon as I  think about it, I feel butterflies in my stomach.!!!!!!

Alright, let me do that thing and write further how did I feel..!!!

  

Well maybe..!

I had a great day today. It wasn’t because I accomplished something exceptional or did something great; but at times we feel happy for no reason may be same is with me.

Our heart and mind looks for something small yet big to keep us happy. At times a smile from a passer-by or at times  a ‘hello’ from a person for whom you long awaited for, or a ‘hi’ from a person whom you never expected .

Maybe I am feeling good is because since past 3- 4 days was able to talk with my love for more than 8 – 9 hours or maybe my mind is relaxed and excited for my brother’s wedding which is just approaching. Whatever it is; I am happy and my heart is at peace!

I wonder at times why inspite of having everything, people are still not happy!

My mother always taught us to be happy and satisfied with whatever comes along the way of life; off course that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to accomplish our goals of life.

But what is the reason for me to tell you all these?

Maybe because I am just too happy today! And may be because it is time for my brother’s wedding and I am just engrossed in planning and preparing!!

Raining season – A joyous season

Felt the environment to be different and very very pleasing.

After a very long time I am feeling it this way; while travelling I observed that along the way the mountains that are standing besides they were looking so beautiful; with trees on it that were swing and making sounds. Fog covered us that it was very difficult to view road at even a distance of about 10 feets.

I was observing that the bus front glass also was captured by fog and it wasn’t cleared properly.

When travelled a distance the bridge came which connects our Thane district (western line) with Mumbai, ohh !! it was an AMAZING VIEW!! You wouldn’t imagine how it looked. It felt as if mountains; the river and the clouds are awaiting for MY FRIEND ‘THE SUN’; but HE has already decided to take an off for the day allowing the RAIN to fall upon us and make OUR MOTHER ‘THE .EARTH’ to be at peace and calm down.

Okay, it doesn’t mean that Earth doesn’t like Sun or they have a conflict between them, it is just that our Earth due to our misfortune or mistakes have become so warm that if not controlled might /can take us away frOm her.

Alright let me not go in the  philosophical mode  but yes, I personally believe on a very serious note that we should take care of my mother ‘The Earth’ by keeping it at peace and controlling everything that will / is affecting it.

Coherence

Everything around is coherence and is coherent. Why? Well I do not have an answer to it now, but the intrinsic values talk about this now.  I feel that now is the only truth!! 

Well the reason to be optimist I really do not know. Okay now I have decided something!!

Yes really, I have decided to be for one self for one day tomorrow, take all the time to reason a reason for myself!! 

Life is as it is…….!!!

I was cleaning my book’s shelf today and came across the book “Change your thoughts, change your Life” as I was finding a little low moral since few days thought of moving my eyes through this book.

As I went through this book, I realized that my life has changed over the past few days, maybe months or maybe over past few years.  It talks about the Tao Te Ching the way of life.  My mind has calmed down; trust me I am finding a way out for my life. I wasn’t like this before, but yes I am such now!!

Out of the verses, verse 15^th in this book talks about ‘living an unhurried Life’, although I was finding it difficult to understand the way, but after spending good quality time over reading it; my mind is at peace.

I don’t know about others but I too lived a hurried life till now, or may be still living it. So many thoughts cross my mind at a go and it is difficult to find solutions for all! Though how hard I try to manage my thought process but still it manipulates and feels overconfident that I can solve anything and everything, but the truth as per this book is let the Tao show you the way and let things come and go.

We shouldn’t limit ourselves to the comings and goings in this mortal world as the truth of life is one.

Was about to sleep........but realized..!!

I was about to sleep now; but as soon as we started our dinner; heard a big sound as if a cracker bursting, can you guess what was that ?? It was the bright lovely sparling silver lining from the sky up..it was the lightning..........
And suddenly rain started pouring heavily, wow....i am so glad that I am alive this day to see this beautiful rain.

I just love this season.......may be though because i am born in this season....but i love and would pray that it should rain the same way throughout this season.!

Welcome rain.....!!!

As days pass by, and years to come
I venture in my heart, sweet colors earned

Dim light above like a shadows fall
I have dreamed to fulfill all

Lost in the melody of birds sweet sound
Rains fall and wraps us all

Come down oh eh
We're waiting for you
Come along and bring some few

Entangled and lost and wrenching without you
You showed your power to the world so blue

Come down oh eh
We're waiting for you
Come along and bring some good news.!!!  

Well just like that

Today after a very long time watched movie along with office colleagues. For initial few moments it was bizarre, yes seriously, I was not so comfortable but later got into the grove of the fun.

Ever since I quit my job from DHL Express in 2008 I experienced this now. We usually used to hang-out like these so often, but absolutely stopped offlet. Slowly and gradually there is a tremendous change in me. My nature and my thoughts have shaped up completely different and have taken an image as if like a closed bun.  I also developed an inferiority complex. A sense of self-consciousness have started mounting up and slowly and steadily completely lost in it.

Yes! This is a new transformation in me which I lately realized. I realized that I am not the same person which used to be 2 yrs down the lane. I really don’t know what happens to me; though at-times I am open and frank enough but on the other hand become so self-conscious. I wonder whether am I the same person or have I left myself way back and wonder will I be ever the same again……….!!!!!!!!!

A Wish

Everytime I open my inbox

I wish I have a message from you

My eyes awaits

My heart be in your glue.!

When will arrive that moment

When it will be only me and  you

I will await for that juncture

When heaven will be in my shoes..!!!

Although I might not be so interesting

And neither pinnacle for you

But still my soul craves

And like a bee for honey

I am in search of you..!!

Come down in my heart and you will know

how much I feel for you

I am awaiting for the juncture

When heaven will be in my shoes..!!!

Terrific fret – 2

The next day morning when we realised that we were in the mid of this large spread mud around.

Invariably I prompted immediately. I could  sense to be in some danger ahead. My colleagues who were along too agreed with me. With this context we understood the news that we had read in the newspaper a day before; that some external bodies were attempting and had attempted in past also to create some problem for us. Nonetheless we still moved forward for this picnic.

I burst out with tears in my eyes as had promised my mother that shall return before sunset a day before. The cellphone had also conged off as battery was down, we were all helpless and couldn’t even get in touch with our flocks back at home.

We laboured hard to get out of these huge farm but failed too. My colleague Jayesh went down from the bus and he got stucked in the mud. He was drowing down; it was as if we are being cursed by that person; and everyone of us will die soon.

That person whom we met along the way back home. He was panting for breath and He in his groove of indiscreet behaviour gave him vineger to drink. I though tried hard stopping my friend to do such with that innocent old man;  as he looked like a baba (a religious person) but failed too as till then he had already given him to drink. And till the time our eyes could move away from him; he gave away his last breath. While giving up his last breath he murmured something, he was cursing all of us for the cruelity that we showed towards him.

Uff !! was that a curse for our life?? Or was that a forgiveness for our bad deeds ?? We are ignornant to these but yes we are facing something adverse at this point.

By that juncture we eight of us had became close-knit; as we were the only redeemer for eachother at those  hours. Jayesh who put his feet down the bus and was about to drown; we manage to save him and pulled him back. Till then; everything seemed as if nothing and none of us will remain.

And so to save one’s life and everyone’s life too  we started conceptualizing for further action The odds were not at all in our favour as our brain had stopped functioning; but later after a couple of long hours we could find a  way out of these. When our bus was in about the 70 degree angle drowning down I could see some stiff down there; after a long struggle I couldn’t believe my eyes; felt as if God up is actually watching over us and had extented his hands of mercy. I could see that; we were on the mountain  up high and if put a little more effort we can escape from  this grave of hell…………..

And the story continuous……………