What a terrific dream

I had witness a horrible death of a person some years ago.

I enter the house around 7:30 pm, found him hanging with a nylon string very stiff round his neck which is held high till the wooden log which separates the living room from the kitchen; his eyes drooping, his breath stopped,face pale, mouth opened where saliva dried while falling down his jaws, his heart pondering even slower than a snail crawling, with no movement , absolutely no movement at all.


I came closer to him, called him out, but no reaction what so ever. This astonished me as never in past had he been so quiet like now. I advanced towards him to check if he is fine and bullying me about this mockery or has he really hanged himself!

Several times in past he had threatened to hang till death but never did he actually do something like this ever before.

Later I touched him, he was breathless, his body almost turned cold and I was all alone in the room with him senseless, motionless and lifeless, I screamed out in pain and agony, I was stunned to see that he is dead, almost dead.



Had no idea if he is already dead or still can be saved, called up all whom I knew and as I was too young to travel along to the hospital and was left back in the house.

They rushed him to different hospitals but none admitted him and after an hour or so when finally one hospital entertained them, they declared him ‘DEAD ON ARRIVAL’.


This news came to me over the phone and it was as if Life from my body is separated, everything was upside down, this never happened ever in my life. The person who died ………………..................………………………………………….. Was none other than but my father.


With fear in my eyes, heart pondering extremely fast I got up screaming...Thank God it was just a dream !!

Too angry

I am too angry today; infact since last night. I am raging in this. Feel like slapping someone hard or going out to some isolated place and shout out loud. Cannot portray calm and compose posture anymore.

It feels people take undue advantage of my polite and soft behaviour towards them. It feels they think anything is ok with me. If feels they think that my words aren’t important to them, my deadlines given are all fake and everyone is with Chalta hai attitude.

I hate this behaviour of people, I hate when people take my words for granted. I am so so soo angry today.

Constipation – A halt station

Today I am constipated. I hate this. It feels so heavy as if I am carrying a 4 months old baby in my womb. It feels as if something is holding me tight inside, as tight as something stuck with fevicol, ironically it is the condition that now I am unable to bear.

I ignored it yesterday assuming it should be fine today but I was wrong. My day before yesterday’s, yesterday’s and even today morning’s food digested is still accumulated and still lying in my intestine. Seems like as if my intestine loved my food so much that it doesn’t want to flush it out thinking it wouldn’t get it again.

Ohh my large intestine please do not bother as I would give you food like this again, but please release me from this discomfort and let me feel free.

I ate 2 apples, dates and even Abajpati goli to digest my food and get my motion clear, but still not that effective. I shall try my best to get it out of my system as soon as possible, till then best of luck to myself.

Emotional thirst

Feelings tilted towards sharp emotions, I wonder if it is worth

The blanket wrapped upon me, with wraith in every words

I snare at every passer-by,

To quench my thirst this feeling does,

But all in vain in vicinity, I wonder will ever it work!!

Painting my thoughts

I paint my thoughts with uneven colors,

Some dark, some dim but some even shudder

Some filled with pinch of blue, orange and purple

It speaks about my life, my every struggle

A large portion with Red which is my emotions

Love, anger and its every possible circle

Some with off-white which convey my message

To every passer-by in my life who always buffet

Some lemon yellow which speaks about the spice

I add some tarnished red to give it a dice

I muster my feelings but I do not utter

Some black that covers all my insecurities

And there glitters my love, my feelings and all possibilities

I paint my thoughts!!!

Can life ever be simple?

I have seen a lot of ups and downs in life; however the way I am hurt past a week has never happened before.

Sometimes we place our life in somebody’s hand who does not take proper care of it; we become so much dependent on that person that we do not contemplate on our own desires, our own purpose to be on this planet, the addiction of that person ingrained so much in our conscious that we believe that we cannot live without that person, we keep on following their instructions, yes I call it instruction, because this is what it seems to be. Our life becomes so much directed by someone else that it misleads its path and follows somebody else’s path without even realizing and without questioning.

One day comes when that person stops to instruct, direct and command our life; we suddenly realize that, that very person has already left us mid-way in our life, the life that they created for us. We feel lost, because it was never our way, never our life, we had already surrendered our life to someone else and that has made them the master over us, not out of force, but out of choice.

Here is the time when one contemplates but it becomes too late to carry forward, too late to go back and change the past, too late to have one’s own life.

I call it a murder; a well planned murder of somebody’s feelings. In the law, there are punishments and fines if we do something wrong materialistically but what is the punishment or fine that God would/ have decided for someone who murders and misuses someone’s feelings, or misleads someone’s life?

Why can’t life ever be simple as we plan it to be?

Shiva and Sati and the religion

I was watching Mahadev

on Life OK channel yesterday. They have picturised the Lord Shiva is a very prominent manner, the actor Mohit Raina who is acting technique as Mahadev is an elite where he is like in real Mahadev with his well-built body; charming smile and adorable looks.

For the first time I got the concept of Lord Shiva and his wife in her first birth with the name Sati.

The story is something like this as per my understanding:-

\\

Sati meditated for years on just a bilva leaf a day (not sure how long) to be Lord Shiva’s wife; she was the daughter of Daksha Prajapati and his wife Prasuti. She somehow manages to get acceptance and consent of Lord Shiva and he marries her.

Without Sati’s knowledge Daksha cut her off from her natal family because she marries Lord Shiva whom he dislikes.

Daksha once organized a grand yajna and invited all gods expect Sati and Shiva. Sati assumed that her father did not invite her because he must have felt that she being the daughter of the house does not require a formal invitation. Besides she also wanted to meet her childhood friends, family and above all her mother. Shiva did not support the idea of self-invitation but Sati insisted and she went to her father’s house.

Daksha did not like this and out of arrogance insulted her and her husband Lord Shiva. She couldn’t take her husband’s insult; she blames herself for her husband’s humiliation. She called up praying that she may be reborn as a daughter to a father whom she could respect. She invoked her yogic powers which were attained by her due to her severe devotion and immolated herself.

Shiva sensed the disaster and with this his rage was incomparable. He loved Sati more than anything he could ever love. Out of rage he created Virabhadra an image of himself which is the destroyer and commands to destroy the world and destroy Daksha, whom he considered responsible for his wife’s death.

Virabhadra went out to the world to destroy Daksha, and on his way Lord Vishu interrupts his way and he struggles to stop him but of use. It is said that when Lord Shiva is in his rage, no one can stop him of his destruction.

After much-a-do he finishes Dakha by beheading him in his own yagna.

Later Shiva did tandava carried his death wife on his shoulder; while he was performing his tandava and moving; her body dismembered into 51 pieces and fell in various part of the earth. Those places are still considered and known as Shakti Peethas.

After that night; when Shiva was back to his normal being, he the all-forgiving, sustainer, redeemer Lord, forgave Daksha and his decapitated head was substituted with that of a goat.

Sati was reborn as Parvati to Himavat the king of mountains and his Wife Mena.

\\

Come back to Mohit Raina’s performance; he has acted incomparable to anybody who has ever performed as God in any drama/ serial/ movie. His charming face has grace, the grace that anybody seeks for. I remember the day when I had been for the Bhagwat Gita seminar at Bhakti Vedanta hospital. The speaker (the guruji) had that grace on his face and his vocal glands while proclaiming the glory of God and his teachings.

I personally am a catholic by birth but somehow believe that there had been the above myth in real, as I believe in Lord Shiva and believe that may be Lord Jesus Christ is another incarnation of Lord Shiva.

There are a lot of similarities when we talk about Catholic’s (Islam included as it is a part of Bible) and Hinduism. Both believe in Holy Trinity, and believe that all three are one and one-in-three. Both believe in the formation of Earth with the" word of God" Catholic’s believe the word of God came from The Holy Spirit, while Hindu’s believe that the word of God was ‘OM’.

My belief says that both religions are one; because the history is of 2 different countries and 2 different customs and traditions the demeanor were different and everything else was different; but the true essence of the story still remains the same.

Well, I end here with a saying…………………"Every coin has 2 sides; but are right, and both has a truth"

1st May – turbulent day

I do not know whether I should praise about this day or should curse this day. This day had been the most remarkable day of my life.

On 30^th evening while I was approaching my house after work, I couldn’t walk normal, I was dragging myself till house, and my body was like a furnace flame, it was burning. The lady sitting next to me was for obvious reason not sitting closer to me (in local train we generally stick to each other while sitting allowing as many as possible to sit on one seat), I assumed I had high fever.

On reaching house without much a-do I reached to the thermo-meter and checked my temperature. I was shocked to see that it was 102 degree fever. I felt very annoying as my mother’s birthday was on the very next day, had planned a lot to do but with this fever I felt I could do nothing.

Slept the same night consuming ‘Duoflam tablet’, I knew with this tablet for sure my temperature would come under control but of no use, early morning the temperature still remained the same.

We had planned to give mumma surprise gifts, surprise lunch party along with her and our close friends. Somehow we managed to invite few of our friends without her knowledge. I finally dressed up in Saree so that she should be happy to see the celebration.

Suddenly, just before we could leave the house for lunch I received his call, " Hello Pr***, I am at home, the cook of the house poised mummy & papa and ran away" This shooked me and my entire focus shifted from the birthday to my dear in-laws. Weird thoughts immediately started running in my mind; I couldn’t wait for a minute, I forgot my pain, my fever but rushed to see them. I couldn’t speak anything further with him and so weird thoughts clouding my mind, I could think of nothing but their safety, I started praying to God. Fear ran through my veins. I cannot live an isolated life without them. I want them. I need them as parents, as guardians and as my family. I cannot afford to lose them.

Was annoyed with the fact that any tom dick and harry cannot just spoil and play with my parents (in-laws) health. When I reached house (in-laws house) it was 1600 hrs in the evening, he asked me to rush in the bedroom where both were fallen asleep. My sis-in-law had already come in and was with them.

My heart cried in silence, both were in front of my eyes, fallen asleep, both at the same time. A lot of fear mounted in my heart, I was fearful. I remember how he admires his parents, how much he loves his parents. I know how it feels when we lose either of them as I have already lost my father and have seen him dying with my own sight and for him both at the same time. I could feel the pinch what sis must be going through. The day turned upside down.

Police where there downstairs enquiring and pretending to investigate, he was with the police all alone, helpless and hapless

Mummy (mother-in-law) was too shocked to explain anything with little or control over her body; her innocent eyes were speaking while she was quiet and contemplating. My heart was crying in silence as I was finding myself so helpless.

I returned back early evening as my fever was still at its peak, couldn’t overcome the trauma the turmoil but still was playing a dual role between mumma (my mother) and mummy (mother-in-law). I love both of them a lot but unfortunately the day when it was the best day of my mumma’s life it was the worst nightmare ever for my mummy. I didn’t know how to react, so continued praying in silence.

When I returned house it was 2000 hrs and then to wind up and make for the day as had missed birthday lunch party of mumma went for dinner to Golden Chariot next to the house.

Mumma’s and everyone from family loved the ambiance and the food, I too enjoyed the food and the customer service of those employed there.

Nanu

my little baby too enjoyed as he got to accompany a little baby girl just opposite to our table.

He was playing and screaming on the top of his voice and managed to threaten and frighten the little baby girl. My thoughts were still clouded but somehow managed to end mumma’s birthday with another surprise.

Therefore it is indeed an unforgettable and unmanageable day and had marked a sign of fright in my life.

Here and there-----feeling unwell

After a very long I saw today 3:30 morning. Was dreaming about different stuff and suddenly I woke up with a squeezing abdominal pain. It was horrible, swiftly I rushed into the wash-room and realised that I have an upset stomach. Since then am unable to sleep.

On a normal Saturday's I wake up around 9:30 to 10:30 am and today am up since then. Till yesterday I was  just okay and this sudden sickness and that too during weekend is so dis-heartening.

Some things are just unanswered. After almost more than 1 1/2 yrs suddenly getting in touch with many lost contacts. Is it something related to destiny or a coincidence? Well but it feels good to get in touch with people around, although virtual and not in person but still it leaves with a good feeling instate of living a lonely life.

I am changed. Earlier I used to enjoy being with people around me, and now, I love to spend time either alone or just with my family members. And why not, afterall I have a little new member in my family. My little Nannu. Everyday it has become a routine for me to rush back home from work just to spend some quality time with him.

He keeps me alive when I am in a lot of stress. Similarly yesterday I was feeling very upset, because I didn't get an answer to my question. It was related to my present, my future and my life. But that question was unanswered as the phone line got disconnected. Felt sad about it, but as the saying goes "A change is as good as rest"  so trying to adopt change in life, although it is very difficult for me to accept. May be I won't change but would try accepting change.

Its been sometime I have logged in to all the possible marine related social groups and sites. Trying to understand things that I must have never thought of. Some-one made me realise that I am a big dump and   a big looser. Don't know if I should accept this? But yes, this has left a space in my room for me to contemplate on the fact whether am I really a big dump or was it just a criticism to let me down.

He made me realise that a little knowledge is dangerous for our career, for our life and everything coming forth. May be he thought that I am over-estimating myself, but that isn't the true story.

Anyway this push has led me to discover new dimensions, so I feel everything happens for good and for a reason.

My life is a picture that speaks thousand words....................yet unheard....!!!

Amygdala Over-rules -- Its not ME but Amygdala

I don't know what I want to write down here today, as too many thoughts clouding in my mind and a very strong yet mild, shaken and moist feelings in my heart.

Feelings are something that is very difficult to govern once it harbors in the heart (well in amygdala which is considered to be heart by us). Exactly this is what is going on in my mind and soul.

I believe when we feel something our thinking mind is over-ruled by our amygdala and therefore feelings become greater than ideas generated by our thinking brain Cortex.

There are times when I think a lot but unable to make any concrete decision; I used to wonder a lot and never got any solution for it; then one fine day I came across this book called ‘Emotional Intelligence’, I read a few pages of it and kept it aside. No not because I did not like it, but with the passing time and overloaded work didn’t find time to look into it. I used to read that during commuting to and fro during the day.

Took up another book to read ‘Cognitive physcology’ which invariably spoke about the same things and therefore it created a space in my conscious to turn a few pages and read in detail.

In its early years, critics held that the empiricism of cognitive psychology was incompatible with its acceptance of internal mental states. However, the sibling field of cognitive neuroscience has provided evidence of physiological brain states that directly correlate with mental states - thus providing support for the central assumption of cognitive psychology.

It acknowledges the internal stress, beliefs, desires, ideas, knowledge as well as motivation.

Amygadala are almond-shaped groups of nuclei located deep within the medial temporal lobes of the brain in complex vertebrates.

When we see something and if that is too sensitive (eyes are the container of the object) it gets directly to the amygadala which is connected with a thin like substance and therefore we react quickly to things that are very sensitive to us, whereas when there is a logical thought we see the object, and it crosses our frontal lobe goes to the cortex where the logical thinking is done and the sensitive thoughts are then transferred to the amygdala and therefore we are less emotional towards stuff that are not so sensitive to us.

       

                                          

Here there is a grey area to put our efforts to think why we have sensitive things in life that makes us so emotional that we are unable to think logically about certain things.

Well coming to the point, today I don’t know why am I so emotional, feeling uneasy, may be because I missed receiving his call in the morning, and that to twice. It’s been a long time we spoke with each other. We last spoke for about half an hour on 20^th October and till now no conversation at all.

This had happened during the initial days of our relationship and now it’s been 3 yrs of our courtship, but the feelings are unchanged. I am still feeling that bad the way I used to feel when I used to miss his calls.

For sometimes I feel like forgetting him and wiping out all the feelings that I have harbored for him in my conscious (cortex) and should uproot his connection from my emotions (amygdala) but I fail doing that, I just couldn’t. He has become a part of my life, my soul and my conscious. 20^th Oct 2009 was the first time we had spoken with each other and now when we spoke after 3 yrs on the same day; it touched me, that day’s conversation has made a room in my heart and I am unable to forget.

20^th Oct 2009 we spoke about meeting each other and spending life together ahead, and now after 3 yrs on the same day we spoke about living individual life, separately. This phase of my life is just too difficult to accept. I am unable to understand the ramification of the whole scene.

Life isn’t the way we perceive it, and it even isn’t the way we expect it to be. Let me not confuse you with my ranting and so I end here with the phrase…….

“Thoughts once harbored, cannot be uprooted, and it always leaves a string that is attached”

A tender girl

I met a tender girl in the present office that I am working for past 5 months. When I

saw her for the first time, felt as if I had seen her before, she is not as beatiful

as an acctress but down to earth and has a very pleasant personality.

She is different than other girls that I have come across; when I board in the bus I

sometimes sit beside her and get to know about her insites, her feelings, her views.

Although I dont agree to all, but its always good to know her.

I sometimes feel she over-estimates the world and many a times underestimates

herself. All these are unknown to her, difficult even to explain her. She has an

inner beauty of her soul which I believe very few observes or notices.

Sometimes I feel her soul shouts out with pain to the core, to let people around her

know what she wants, how she wants and rather the perfect way to perfection; but all

in vain !!

Her personality I find has a mixture of emotions, and that mixture is unknown !!

I wish she gets the best and understands herself before it is too late.

Sullen Life

What a life which is full of tears
What a life with songs so weird
What a life with hull and heek
What a life with slums and sleek

Sometimes its about the boughs
Sometimes its all chaos
Sometimes a lot of love
Sometimes all abhor

It is a Sullen Life..

It pains and prick at heart
Gives lots of affliction
This Sullen life
Is all about fiction

Circumstances may change
But not the consequence
This is what a sullen life
Which is based on pre-possession

All I ask and forseek
Is for a resolution
To all the fake possiblities
And all the preposition.

A SULLEN LIFE..........

Its My 27th Birthday Today

27 years spent on this planet being 'ME'. It is a strange feeling that I feel I am born just yesterday.

Yesterday was the day when many things came in open, it felt as if one part of the movie is finished, the night was an intermission period; and now post interval's movie is on.

It took such a long time for THIS to come up; in this flow of life I felt that may be those pre-conceived notion is wiped off; but no, I was wrong.

It still continues to be the same, but finally it all came up.

Today, its a new start of my 28th year; but in real, it is a new start of my life.

Few things that I have understood after yesterday :-

1) I am what I am.

2) I was, I am and shall always be truthful.

3) Nothing is this world is greater than honesty/ Truth after God.

4) Ever coin has 2 sides, both are right, and both has a truth.

5) One man's poison is other man's food.

6) No one will stand will you, but your mother; as she has given you birth and she knows the pain what you go through

You might fail yourself, your spouse might fail to understand the pain behind your silence, but your mother does understands.

7) Sometimes I expect a lot from this universe and I do not understand that everything has a limit.

　

I ask this day; that may God give me what I deserve and not what I desire, because our desires might fool us, and may be fake, but what I deserve is what God wants for me.

　

Few resolutions for the year that I have made and expects to fulfil before I complete this 28th year:-

1) Have a huge bank balance (this is carried forward from last year as it is still to be fulfilled).

2) Complete my master's.

3) Get some extra degree in life.

4) Learn some more yoga to control myself, my anger, my anxiety and my pain.

5) Get a promotion and a salary hike.

6) Buy a new big house.

7) Buy a new car for myself.

　

You must be wondering this year's resolution is all about career and nothing about personal; yes you are right in observing.

I dont aspire to achieve anything in personal life atleast now, because I dont know what should happen in personal life.

For now I dont see any roads opening, its all dead ends.

As I said yesterday I just dashed to a dead end of the road and there came the interval of the story of my life; for sometime I felt its the end but may be it is just a bend,

but fortunately it is still continuing.........lets see how long it continue's....

That is how a new start of my new life.......

Last 30 days for 27yrs

Time passes so soon and I guess will never return. My growing age, subsiding youthfulness and charm.

This Invaded angry in me; Restlessness and illusion of being successful is keeping my angry invade at a pace that is very harmful.

I should not allow this to win over my conscious and control myself.

It is been 11 months since I had made my resolution for this year, and when I look back and contemplate on it; I can see that I have achieved some of the resolution for my year that is gone after a lot of hard work or may be destiny.

Let me just give a glance on the resolutions:

1) Have enough bank balance. –

Not fulfilled.

2) Study hard and clear with flying colors. –

Somewhat managed too with some good percentage.

3) Learn some more good recipes where I can cook for him. –

Achieved a little, but a long way to go.

4) And last but not the least grow in career and reach and cross the position that I held in my pervious orgn. –

This resolution I had made on my birthday and I believe I have achieved most of them; I should be excited for it; but still I am not, why??? May be because I had made a lot of sacrifices personally to get all these. Is it justified to get something on the cost of something else?

I really don’t know, want someone to tell me, advice me, want to know the ramification such actions.

Anyway the time has come to make new resolutions, shall be thinking over it and put it up for the new and fresh year to come…………..

Yes achieved, in terms of monetary as well as position.

SHADOW

It was dark at night; only few dogs ahead and some gittering sounds of the Nightingale.
I suddenly realised someone beside me, tall, dark and huge right beside me.
I was scared. To avoid dashing to this tall and dark hooded figure I attempted to get aside; but all my struggle were in vain.
I couldnt escape from this hooded figure. As I was walking ahead this figure was walking beside me.
When I turned around it also turned around with me and went right behind me, this time it turned very small but dark hooded figure.
As I walking and crossing that big road ahead, the shinning sun my long lost friend started appearing and as the sun was appearing this hooded figure started lightning and finially vanished.
Then I realised it was nothing but my own figure.....my own image.........MY SHADOW.

Resignation doesn’t mean an end to the relation

Today was my last day at Orange Business Services and completed precisely 14months and 18days in this organization. But the camaraderie that I shared in this organization with most of them reminded me of the days at DHL Express where we had spent our time like a family.

The stint here at Orange also made me feel the same. It was as if with another family with the same touch. Will be joining a new family from Monday, don’t know how things would be there, how people around would be there, don’t know how long will I be staying in that place, but yes mentally prepared to take up the new assignment which the universe has set for me.

In Orange again I had felt as if I was an infant, with everyone being so nice and polite same as DHL or rather Aramex my first job.

I was like an infant when I had joined Aramex in this big world of corporate where so many master minds are around, climbed the ladders, but at Orange the feeling was back to the times of my adolescence as my first job.

Thank you Orange for all the love and care, if life permit will meet you again!!!   

I QUIT - RESIGNATION LETTER TO THE WORLD

Hi World,

Hope all things in you are the same. But very soon you will lose on someone, it’s me.

I don’t wish to be in you any more, I do not wish to be called a part of you; for all the time that I lived in you, you gave me very little happiness and a lot of sadness. If you gave me food to eat, then at the same time you did not give me shelter. And when you gave me shelter you took away my food from my mouth.

I am not here to critize you for anything, for all that is made in you is just random, I feel that you do not plan yourself properly whom to give what in their life and at what time.

I am so very disappointment with you, that I do not wish to live in you ever. Please answer me world, why did you not give me love in my life when I needed? And when you gave me why did you not introduced at the right time? And if you feel that all your planning was perfect, then let me tell you, you are WRONG; And if your plans were like these, then why such twists and turns in life.

I know you do not have any answer neither do I have any more questions to ask, because for all the questions that I ask you, I know your clear answer; which will again be a SILENT.

All I want to say is I QUIT this place in you the world………………..

Yours truly

Gracy (Priya)

Unknown Faces of Life !!

When life turns around

It gives a shock

Something you expect

Sometimes you become scout

This little I know

About the face of life

Whatever is to happen;

It just sprouts

This little I know

About the face of life

When you expect the least

It becomes loud

This little I know

About the face of life

You can never hate someone

Whom you loved

This little I know

About the face of life

It gives little

And takes back a lot

Only this little I know

About the face of life

Rest all actions are strange

Rest all are UNKNOWN FACES of life !!

The Dark Night

The dark night does not pass
The dark night it last;
Why this Sun is so pale;
Why can't it give me a bale ?
Why can't I be happy again
Why it is all PAIN?

Why the light of my life is away
Why does it not understand,
If it isn't there,
I will fail !

Caught and entangled in life's circle
Someone is here
And other purple !

This dark night why it does not end;
My heart is broken and betrayed
My conscious is killing me every passing hour
O Lord please give me the power !!!

Heavenly Feeling……!!!!

“It feels heavenly when he is around me, only his touch keeps me at peace.”

I received his phone call yesterday; after almost more than a month we could speak for some good time. We spoke yesterday evening precisely for 49 minutes. He and I both were lost in our dreams of past and was efflorescence and were wishing for this vacation also to be the same or rather better than before.

I love when I find him happy; but unfortunately this time he was sounding  resentful and eager to return. Even I want him to come down now; just cannot bear the distance.

On the other hand, the conversation of 49 minutes gave me a heavenly feeling of him being around me that point in time. Gradually, he has become the purpose of my life. With every passing minute, he has created his position so concrete in my heart and mind that; I just cannot think of anyone or anything other than him.

We would be completing 2 yrs of our courtship; but it feels that we are together for such a long time yet want to be with him. Out of these 2 yrs we actually spent time with eachother for only 3 months and 15 days.  Yes!! That is the fact of our courtship.

Albeit, it is the reality of my life; but then too the time spent with him is the time I always crave for. Maybe he is aware of this; but I want him to know this; how do I tell him? I find him in the same state. Cannot console as this will go as along as he is in this profession.

I am aware that one day will become the last day for him to be away from me; and we shall stay together thereafter…..