Conception - Good or Bad?

What do you understand with the word conception?

We often relate conception to the conceiving a child in the womb! Right?

But here is another way to understand this word, we conceive a lot of negativity in our day to day life. Yes, you read it right, I meant it!! Conceiving negativity!! We are born positive in the image of God, but due to the present situation we conceive negativity, let it grow inside of us, and then once it is fully matured in us, we tend to deliver it and pass it on to another humble soul, who are positive and full of spirit.

Therefore wear your mask and help yourself in keeping away from any negativity around you and trust me, living a life without conception of negativity is serene.

Restless finding Flaws in my personality

I wonder what will happen ahead. Just to restless now; it feels as if the destination is right at the reach of my hand but I am not able to touch it. I don't know why things are not ratified yet; nor on the personal side neither on the professional aspect.

Awaiting, just awaiting for the fortune wheel to go around and turn for me this time; but how? How and why would it go for me? What am I doing so great that things would turn around only for me??

Well the question has many answers but no answer at all...!! Difficult to understand right? hmm-mm

I am presently reading a book named '92 tricks for a good communication'; when I had picked up this book from the bookstore, I was wondering whether am I really so bad that I need now tricks to open a conversation; or rather continue a conversation!!! But trust me just by turning few pages of this book, I have a better understanding of my flaws now, I cannot imagine what would happen when I complete reading this book.

I understand one thing now is; that I sound very friendly, I am rather, over-friendly most of the times when I am in a conversation, which in REAL I am not; but with my quick smile and bubbly nature,  I am misinterpreted.

Alright, this is just the first thing that I have learned from this book. I recommend all to read or rather refer this book at-least once !!!

Besides, my restlessness started ever since then; I am feeling so bad that things are not received at face-value, rather perceived at what others perceives about you as an Individual.

A person's personality is reflected with the way the person moves, talks, his/her demeanor and lot other than the spoken words.

I am restless; too restless after reading this. Hopefully I would work over my personality and observe for a period of time.

Justice OR Injustice

I wonder what is the meaning of Justice and Injustice; what is the actual meaning of it.

Sometimes I feel that there is nothing wrong or nothing right in the world under the shelter of heaven.

I was so highly disappointed a day before when I got to know about the incident of a woman been killed in the Ladies Special train running from churchgate to Virar; in the evening by other women commuters on 14-Aug-2012 in the luggage compartment.
This is rediculous indeed!!!!

It is so higly dangerous to do anything now a days; life has become so uncertain, that even a portion of our time cannot be guranteed.

But then I wonder what must be going on in those women's mind? Why have they done somethings like this.

Taking someone's life is the greatest sin on this planet; as we as an individual do not have the rights to take away the gift of life from anybody.

Our life is so pure, so magnetic, and so aromatic.
Is it a Just to take away someone's life?

As I wrote on my birthday that I understood one thing about life; that there is no wrong or no right, its all about how we perceive somethings to be,

I repeat Is it a Just to take away someone's life???

If you say 'no' then the synonyms is The terrorist's story, then why do we demand to hang the terrorist till death?

I fail to understand the actual meaning of Justice and Injustice and when to apply that.

Can anyone please explain me?

Life seems Mechanical

I came online to chat with my fiancé, my love; but guess unfortunately he might have gone to sleep (presently his ship is anchorage in China for repairs), and so did not turn up online for chatting. Meanwhile one of my other friend came and we were chatting; in the mid of the conversation I realized and I told him “you are right at one given point in time life seems so mechanical.” Don’t you think it is a common topic in everyone’s lives now-a-days?

We are so busy in our daily routine that we forget most of the times that there are so many milestones in life to cross; and just in the mid of the milestones we become so busy that we forget that if things aren’t sorted out we might miss a chance for the next milestone.

Here I am talking about milestones like to list few, our birth, adolescence, teenage, early 20’s, mid 20’s, marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood and then finally old age.

Now I am just 26 would be completing 27, unmarried. At time stage of life I am so busy and frustrated, that, at times that I don’t realize this frustration which I hold at times, might take away somebody else’s smile for that while. No time for self, no time for friends, no time for family. Aren’t we have become selfish and we have become so self-centered that we have forgotten that we need to be somebody’s spouse, parents, children, in-laws etc and we have to cross those milestone some day.

Coming to the point, in this mechanical life of the daily routine; waking up early, dressing up, going to the office, meeting SLA’s, quality, quantity, projects, assignment, weekend’s college, studies, cooking, washing cleaning etc, this whole routine is becoming so bizarre that I now ask for time to breath; I want to get away from this vicious circle and do for what I am born. What to fulfill the reason for what I have taken time birth.

Last year around the same time I had met a panditji who had told me about my previous life. He was mentioning that due to my previous life’s boug I took birth in this family and in this place; and my purpose of this birth is to serve elderly people around me. But I always have a question in my conscious that Am I giving time to fulfill my purpose? And there is a straight and precise answer ‘NO’. This answer disturbs me every time I become self-centered and forget my duties.

Only 5 days to go……….

I have a heavy breath now and counting days. No, not for anything else but this time it is for my birthday that is arriving.

Like every year this time too I tried rewinding my memory and taking a year back. My last birthday gift from my love is unforgettable, and I still feel that I hold that as a sweet memory in my heart. My tabernacle had become violent,yet marvelous and the most clandestine.

I just loved / love my birthday gift last year.

Today, I am rewinding my year right from that time onwards; my last birthday in the year 2010.

I and he had started my year together; although never expected but, it was a sudden surprise for me that this happened. But, just for a 1 day’s happiness had obliterated both of our happiness. Guess its mending now!

Left my previous job, in the month of November with 2 months prior notice. Yes, I will not deny that I did not like that place. I liked it and learned a lot but because they did not trust my guy’s capability and did partiality towards him, broke my trust in them.

Now how hard I try I cannot confide in them for anything in future, not for him and not for me too.

Later joined another organization starting with the name ‘D’..uffffff cannot explain how horrible and pitiful  I found myself during those 17 days in that organization.

Later was at home for about 1 ½ months. Had the regular routine for college.

Something exceptional happened during that juncture. I helped my brother in his business for about a month; where I could actually streamline his business and show him his books of accounts.

And finally joined the organization that I am in !!

Albeit it was a Sabbatical vacation for me, but the most painful juncture of my life; where there was no incomings but only outgoings. I had no source of income but my expenses were the same as had the regular routine of my day on, infact with additional activities.

No ATM card,  No shopping, No outing and No fun; but I feel that this one year has left an imprint in my life, rend my heart into pieces and has taught me how to stand-up even falling hundred times and also to wear a smile all the while.

Now in just another 5 days would be entering a new fresh year of my life, and this day will make me 26 yrs old. Cannot believe that time is flying like a breeze; just touching at the edge of my body and moving away; not even allowing to breath properly or even think on those lines of improvement.

There is a tremendous change but yes I am happy with it. This is making me stronger day by day. The inner strength of soul and the courage to hold up everything is becoming vital to understand and implement.

Now, where do I stand in my career life ?? And the answer that I get from my conscious is back to the starting point, from where I started almost 5 yrs ago from Aramex to DHL to ICICI Prudential  to Seaspan and now at Orange. The salary that I drew in DHL and the salary in the present organization is the same.

I was very happy in the year 2008 when I jumped thrice the salary that I drew with  Aramex; but I am asking to myself; Am I justifying my career life?? Have no answer yet, but the question has clicked in my heart.

But, have made certain resolutions for my year to come:

1)      Have enough bank balance.

2)      Study hard and clear with flying colors.

3)      Learn some more good recipes where I can cook for him.

4)      And last but not the least grow in career and reach and cross the position that I held in my pervious orgn.

Hoping for the best and I know that I can do it.

“Life gives a lot; and takes back some too. I will get; what I own.”

Misunderstanding creates a barrier

Today I had a heated argument with someone; this someone is not very close, yet not someone who is of distance even. This someone is my own colleague, with whom I spend almost more than half of my day; in the office for 9 hours and also while travelling to office to and fro.

But, you must be wondering why am I writing it out here? Yes, the reason is that the argument was for some silly reason.

It is very exceptional for me to become angry or vent my anger on anyone (offcourse except my family and my would be).

Then too I still couldn’t control over my heated temperature and had burst out on him in the morning.

There was some system error in the morning and we had an argument on it, I don’t lie which my colleagues knows it very well and I also mentioned to him with a calm tone that I had done the assignment at hand, I assumed that he was suspecting me that I might be telling him a lie as he was very arrogant infact sarcastic (I felt), may be he wasn’t and did not intend to. And this misunderstanding created a barrier in our cordial relations at office.

With this I understand the importance of INTERPRETATION. For one single instance there can be different interpretations; this might work out most of the times, but there are instances where we will fall on our nose if we try to dig the matter more and try getting into it. I left it on him to think or react the way he wants to.

With this I remember that there is one more person in my office with whom I am not even civil. Although the bitterness from my heart is gone totally, but from her side I am clueless. However now I am so far away from that person that I don’t feel emptiness without her not talking to me.

Life is unpretictable right? But, I feel it is very much unpredictable!! I am surprised to see so many changes in my life past few years. What I was, what I have become, and  cannnot prefigure what I will be !!

So I feel that I should leave aside all the prejudice from my concious and live for today..!

Happy to see that the problems in my life are resolving now, but cannot predict anything, as it might lead to misunderstanding and that can lead to barriers……….!!!

Questions….questionsss………questionsssssss

Too many things to be done and got very little time! Now you will wonder what I am talking about!! Am I right?? I have my exams coming up and around the same time in my office got a bill run day; and the most frightening thing is that My love will be returning on ship around the same time…!!

I need to priorities my work and studies accordingly so that I can give the best time for my love! Be with him spend time with him and so on and so forth….!!But it isn’t that easy..!! I hope you understand my problem. To be with him is the most priorities activity for me! But how do I justify this to everyone who is questioning me?

Well by now you must have read to couple of my other article on my blog; and must be wandering as to why this girl got so much questions in her mind!!! But tell me, is there anyone who is too focused and knows what do they want to do??? Or doesn’t have any questions in their mind?? Or am I an abnormal person?? Or is this the right question…….???  

Sense of being lonely

What are my fingers trying to articulate?? Please pardon me; because even I am not aware of it..!! Here India has won the “World Cup” but yet I am not so contented and so depressed!! Though may be today is the best day and the best time for the country to celebrate; but my heart is crying; crying in silence in the loud noise probably that has surrounded me!!

No one can hear my cry today; or rather I am not a person who can share my feeling with anyone! May be that is the reason why am I writing is out here and pouring out my heart! May be I do not want to hear the sound of the broken walls in my heart to be heard by anyone; or maybe I am afraid of something?? What is that fear which is mounted up in my conscious??? Well, I don't know!! My life has become like that crazy ball which can only bounce back but could do nothing; can hurt no one but oneself!!!

Why am I such??Why can't I be that sort of person who can voice out everything that crosses my mind and hurts my soul?? Why?????

Life……………

Life is not as simple as we assume it to be.  As I am growing older in age I could recognize these very easily as till sometimes back I couldn’t……..!!

Till now no one had hate me so much, as much as she hates me. I am failing to understand the reason for her hatred in her heart for me. Am I so bad?? Or so ugly?? Or am I rather so immature?

Someone had told me when I was in school that “no one can hate you, you got a smart personality and sweet voice!’ I was in the illusory world of fake happiness that yes this statement is true; but now I understand that it must have been told to be because I was young or probably the first female friend for that person; so made his brother and mother just utter those words. But the ground reality is that YES someone hates me and hates me from the core of her heart!! It is very difficult to believe but yes that is the fact of my life. 

But that someone is no one else but whom I value a lot and love a lot; though I am speechless and cannot tell her or tell or show anyone; but YES I love her a lot.

I just hope that one day she will also love me………………………….!!! Hoping for the best……..!!

Clouded Thoughts

What is happening to me now-a-days ? Am confused, lost and frightened !!! But why ?

Cant reason it ! Life is with so many labyrinthine; its really difficult to to draw a conclusion and to relate.

Albiet I have those thoughts but still, my heart is contented !! Now you will wonder why a contradictory statement !! The reason is that, the love of my life is back; he is back home ! Though whatever thoughts cross my mind, but this sense of satisfied feelings are just ineradicable ! Yes this is what I am trying to potray; that though I am confused as stated in my first statement still I am contented ! Its difficult to believe but yes that’s the fact.

Life itself is such a lovely game, it equalizes everything at certain point in time.

If it gives pain, it will for sure give pleasure too !!

I have no clues whether I am framing my clouded thoughts in proper words; but yes exactly this is how I am feeling.

When I am with him, it feels that the time should move slowly and infact it should stop; because every minute, or rather every second spent with him is just captured in my mind as if taking a photograph of a beautiful sence. When was with him yesterday or rather past 3 days; it felt as if the nimbus is just so gentile.

I was with full of nonversation and he digests all my insane jokes. He reads me in and out as if reading on a crystal wall with no barrier. He knows to make my day; he knows to bring a smile on my face which I was long awaiting for…!!!

I felt like living for the erstwhile these past 3 days; those 3 days were as if I have had a tour in the heaven with the prince of my dreamworld; like in the fairy-tale………with My love…!!!!

Axiom

I am happy yet not so contented today !! Cannot even put up a spurious face too !!  There is someone who wants to recant; for the action already initiated; even though we confluent in love. I want to renege and tell him; that whatever is his wish will be my wish too !!

But deep within I am outre as my wish is that we should stay together till eternity ! I am unable to handle this ramification of life and so in deep though that why things are so kraut ? Or is this ephemeral ? Than the other desultory thought arises that is this game - a troika where he and me and also someone else is playing a vital role; or are we the only players in the drama of life ?

Though how hard I try still situations slip through the cracks and I become helpless though being wee-bun. Since our senescence we started; but still it looks to be be like a Open-and-shut relation.

But on the other hand I feel that; am I creating an imbroglio situation for him ? But I never want it this way, I always want him to be in a felcity mood so that we might go far away in thoughts together, the eloquence should be so high that it should take away our senses and should make us forget the dissemble of someone else’s wicked libido and should infact conflate and should make the situation dulcet as when we are together it becomes our Own Universe…!!

Albeit I still brood when in situations that; though whatever may be the case; I will always be for him.

Am Clueless...!!!!

Life never ask you suggestions; neither does it accepts your views !!
Well i guess it just takes one the way it had already planned it to be...!! I believe (though many might oppose my view), that we carry our fate along when we enter this universe. We are just an entity (i had read in the book The Kryon), but now i believe it is the fact. We are entities here on this planet called earth for some pre-decided purpose. Once we are done, or rather once the purpose is fulfilled we shall depart from the mortal planet and will go in our planet; the spiritual planet, where everything would be beautiful, pleasant and marvellous for the one who accompalished the purpose whole heartedly and the one who did not, might end up with harassment.

Well i am really confused and lost today, and do not know what to be done. What is my purpose to be in this world; why have i landed up here and what am i supposed to do?

May be i will find an answer soon; or may be never...!! Am clueless...!!!

Humanity - The only Religion

“Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Isahi- Hum sab hai bhai-bhai!”. This is an ancient phrase by one of our social leader which is being repeated over the period of time in the local speeches by many socialist; but there is one question that always crosses my        mind is, that; Do we really follow or believe what we speak ??

Well, the reason for this question to rise is my conscious is; though we speak whatever one what to propogand but we tent to believe what our inner voice calls for and that is a different language!!

The reason for these variant thoughts to rise in WE the common people are or rather people who instigate these wraith to ripple in our conscious is our so called regulators. Yes! It is suprising though that these regulatories who are supposed to be an ideal for us the common people and ideally are supposed to be preaching and supporting the above made phrase are the one who are acting  as a director as well as the spectors in our common movie called life..!!

Our country is a democratic country by choice, and so; every individual has their ‘right to think’ and ‘right to accept his own custom, caste and creed’; why is these customs given a name called Religion? And even if given why are rivalries driven out of it?

While traveling along the motorway we can view no. of hoardings across every nit-and-corner of the road !! Infact no corners are left untouched and does holds some very famous personalities posture and yes how can they forget to make some sophicated diagloues and that too discriminating thoughts between different states and which results into different religion!!

Everytime I encounter such hoardings; I wonder what is religion to do with the policies of the government, Our government and why does this State diparities occur?? Afterall we have only one religion that is the Humanity!!

Well, I fail to understand these very fact of our Country!! Hope these questions arise in YOUR conscious too !!!

Love Vs Logic

Love without you is spare; you touch me and make me feel among the rare!!!

Doesn’t the above statement means as if Love is the most important aspect of one’s life?

Yes it does means!! but still when it comes to reality Logic and love doesn’t stands on the same page; and doesn’t hold true for most of us.

The duel between Love and Logic is an unending puzzle; which keeps on multiplying as days pass; and keeps on dividing the rival the hatred. The situations seems to look like a neglected horse; but it does happen this way.

If we emphasis a little more, and put a little more pressure on our grey cells in our brain. We tend to say that ‘No’ Love doesn’t play any vital role though; but yes it does play magic over our senses. We ultimately fall short of memory to reason it, but yes we all at some given point in time had fallen in love for someone, or might fall in love for someone.

 When we are on fire we assume and treats Love like a wee buns, and we take Love for granted but we forget that Love is not an open-and-shut business neither it should be kept on the knock rather it should be kept with hush-hush as, if left loose it might slip through the cracks.

Logic never allows Love to rise up but ultimately it creats its place about the salt.

Logic has its vital and a very crucial role in our day-to-day life but can never overpower Love, the most adorable Gift from God..!!!

My New Friend…………………The Rising Sun !!!

When I leave from home; my friend is fast asleep about to rise up. The bus picks me up before my friend is risen and it becomed very difficult to view it approaching towards me from distance as the darkness envelopes the upcoming day- Today!

As we start from home and than later touch the motorway- The Ahmedabad highway; the blanket of darkness slowly uncovers us and slowly and steadily the light from my New Friend…….the Rising Sun comes  into his sense the morning.

My New Friend. I am being encountering him only since the time I have joined this new organization.I normally take the corner seat at the left hand side close to the window and offlet started looking for often for Him every morning.

Now I know that he loves to play the hide and seek game with me and he always does the same ! He is a very beautiful friend of mine. When he wakes up and starts rising his face appears to be a pleasant Yellow color; he tries to hide himself behind his friend with the big broad chest  which covers almost the space of our 21% land; The Mountain !!

My friend; my New Friend plays hide and seek game with me every morning hiding behind him and attempts to tease me every time he faces me; but somehow I manage to catch him when in open; in the open space where my Other Friend; The River helps me out!!  Oh !! I love you too my friend River, as when you arrive you ask the friend Mountain to be aside for somewhile. I know though it’s a manipulating business but I love it and I guess my New Friend loves it too !!

All through the way our game continues from the time his face is Yellow to Orange and than Bright White.!!

When his face is Orange; he spreads the lovely beautiful color all over his bed from where he rises; The Sky !! Yes; it is the truth!! When my New Friend rises up his bed surrounds with the same color as his face..!!

Slowly and steadily the game continues till I reach my office………….!!

And I always tell him goodbye for the day and promise oneself to see him again the next rising morning. Knowingly or unknowingly I am falling in love with my New Friend………The Rising Sun…!!!

A day in a training room

‘The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you…..’, yes this is what I read and how I started my day; while accompaning Mohsin my sweet collegue while training. This above phrase is put at the right hand side of the room with lovely two kids in that posture. Yes it sounds funny when I am describing about the same but don’t you think that a posture with 2 little kids in it and with the above phrase makes some sense to our insensible mind….???

This day had been fantastic and  marvellous !! Offcourse training was one of the criteria but albiet it was great fun while getting along with the one who accompanied me and also had patience to listen to my all insane jokes, and yes, you won’t believe we had a day with all those lovely talks and the highlights are just hilarious; I cannot forget about the technical terms that we were using, say like the ICO1 code, RFB’s,IPVPN service and GOLD (the web-based), charges etc……..This all would have been so boring if not with HIM.

Yes it would be difficult for you to believe that we were in that one single room for the entire day; but yet it was just amazing.

“Andaz apna apna”hope this movie stricks in your mind, it was hard to believe that he remembered almost all diagloues of this movie and was entertaining to the glory, uufff !! it was amazing having those hours with him.

Mohsin (my collegue and by now my friend too), he is a person with a very soft spoken style, he break jokes which are silent yet hillarious. Though he did not speak much personal abou thim but I could sense that there are many upspoken gestures which makes me feel as if he is not a stranger but a very close known person to me.

Simple yet attractive !! This is what stricks my mind whenever I am sitting beside him and being getting trained.

He acts innocent though but he is very sharp at stuff’s like what and when to be done….

Would like to thank this person from the core of my heart to make my day; as without him I would have not had such a lovely and memorable hours…….!!!!

Please Save ME friend….!!!

Millions of years ago, I was created by the Divine Mercy; The Lord most high. HE loved ME and caressed me and called me the loveliest gift of human-being. HE had left them free on ME as HE knew that I will take proper care of them.

I loved YOU human-beings and gave the best of ME what I could! I rendered my best part and have held YOU closure to my heart yet you deceived me..!

In the initial phase I was been cared by many; everyone also loved ME and tried preserving ME by either some good deeds or either left ME on the creator.

Much of ME was just left like a lost child wide open with no claimants and with ceous. I was efflorescence with such and so was under the impression that I shall stay and be alive for as long as this universe exists. CONTENTED, SATISFIED until this juncture arrived, a new decade….!!

The ramification turned out to be of utmost pain though…!!

Now every human-beings claim to own ME. I am being sold; it feels as if everyone is stripping me off and rapping me every passing hour!!!

There are many whose cause for death is “ME”.I was earlier spread like meadows on grass now I look as if a posture hanged in the art gallery, vanishing and if these continues it wouldn’t take longer for me to Vanish from this Universe.

Why am I always targeted to be destroyed? Why no one around wants ME to be alive for another arriving decade too? 

I am being abandoned to build up Shopping Malls, Multiplexes and Big famous Hotels; and also to build up residential building and such big self owned bungalows….!!!

Why am I left handicap or rather I must say why am I made handicap for YOU human being to dwell in?

Why don’t YOU all love me anymore???

I am feeling a bit blue and insanely HURT!! I am crying, crying out loud to YOU human-being, but I am all alone; as no one’s ears are open for ME…!! Why you do not believe I am YOURS?? !!! Please do not forget what LORD had said when he created YOU; ‘my child go and enjoy and take the most of it, but do not destroy it’.

I am been created before YOU my brothers and sisters and was been given as a gift to YOU at the start of time !!

Please do not abandon me!! As I want to be alive! Alive till the end hours..!!

Please my dear human-beings please pardon me. I know I am DESTROYED almost, but please preserve ME, because I am YOURS, THE NATURE….!!!!

Driving me INSANE

These long hours of silence, and a pause after an uttered sentence takes away all my patience and gives me a lot of pain. Is this all about love and care, or is it all about sulk and shier. There is a mighty pain in my heart, in my head, why does this happens and why is to me..???

Why is it that when we love something and crave for it, we don't get it ? Why does this pain excruciates ? Why does it troubles our conscious so much that we become insane ?

O Lord !! This unavowed pain is taking away its toll on me...!!


But why am i so depressed, can't reason it ?? Why does this pain still exists in me, why Lord, why ??

On my way to discover the world..!!

Life is much more than what we expect. Well, I was never like this before. But circumstances change as we group up in life, my mother used to say this, but now i am experiencing it.

What we expect we do not get, what we get we never wanted, and what we lost, we are always hopeful to bring back the same. Confusing ?? But thats how our life goes on. Every single human-being wants to do something in life, but what ? We try doing things we wanted and the end result turns out to be something else.

I salute someone who changed my life, who taught me how to see people through his sight. Well, that person is non-other but the one I love, truly, deeply with all my heart and soul. He is the one who made me see the real world. He showed me different shades of humanbeing and different view point.

Now I have attempted to know the world, and trust that i will discover it someday ...........!!!

Long lasting thirst……

Once while I was walking along the way of life

I found myself thirsty,

 I looked around for water, but never seen thee…….

I stood and shouted if someone could hear me…

But no one could, as the road was lonely and I was alone too thirsty ……..

Walking, walking I reached a place where no one ever could reach…

I again looked around but no one could I see….

My thirst increased every passing minute,

But the fire still exists……..

I wanted to fulfill my thirst but no one I could see…..

I looked up on the sky above,

And cursed myself to be…..

I was wandering on a desert where, no one could I see……..

Later I reached a place in the centre of thee

Lots of water exists there, where hardly anyone could be……

I thanked the almighty above, and I asked him why this he did to me……

He said if I would have given you water than, how could you see this sea…..???