I am with myself

Life is always not the way we look at it. Don’t know why past few days I should be sad that my relationship in on the rocks but still my heart is calm, happy and overwhelmed (exaggerated). He and I were fighting like cats & dogs and suddenly immediately after my birthday stopped speaking to each other, the reason is unknown though, but yes that’s the case. We message each other (rare case). I have no idea where is this courtship leading, whether we are together or already parted. Few months back we were planning for a lifelong committed and suddenly this disaster. Although I have no regrets but still mind confusing to such an extent that sometimes I take time to contemplate. My little self-respect from some corner of my conscious is speaking with me over past few days; it is stopping me to bend more, and asking me to move on in life. My self-respect, to whom, I did not listen past few years and kept on suppressing and avoiding. I want to live happy, I want to stay happy. I really don’t want to be sad anymore. It is very difficult to understand my own behavior my own feelings, but one thing I know is I want to be happy. My New Year resolution since 23rd August my birthday is to be happy, no matter what. No matter who stays with me and whoever leaves me. Want to go back to the carefree attitude that I used to carry and a lot of self-respect deep inside my heart, my life and my conscious. I want to love myself again, love the way I used to love myself ages ago. My dear friends - self-respect and my dignity, I am with you this time, I am with you!!!