No reason but still

No reason but still

This is the second time I am trying to pen down my feelings. I am too depressed. Yes, it is true !

I want to reconcile with the incident that had taken place almost a year back; but couldn’t or rather not finding a way out of it, why ?? I really don’t know!

My feelings have shaped up; it feels as if nothing else I want in this world but to compensate on the mistakes, but I wonder at times that was it really a mistake? At times we do not understand.

No one can empathize with me; yes I know. Tell me for an instant; if you were to meet the person you love for the first time after say about 8 months, would you think of the consequences or would you just take the first opportunity to meet??

Okay! Honestly I do not seek an answer to it, as I know most of you will also do the same as to what I have done. But unfortunately it is like a curse for me now. Now, when I feel I am a year ahead of that incident, I feel that if I had patience for a 8 months I could have easily hold on for another a day too.

Ironically even he feels the same now. But what has happened cannot be changed or rectified.

I feel miserable now! I have no words to explain the pain that I feel when I sit down alone with empty headed to think about all those things and the happenings!! But is it my fault? Or does that make me a cruel and bad mannered person? I don’t know.

 All my life, I am used too listening from my mother that she had prayed to Mother Mary to give a child in her image and she is lucky to have me in her life. She describes that I also have features like her and most importantly the nature like her’s. But it really upsets me when someone passes on her opinion that I am not a good looking girl, or rather not a well mannered person.

Well, lot to discuss and write down, but I wander will that make any difference to the opinion which is already structured in someone’s mind??