Day 91

Today is my father-in-law’s birthday, and also we were to select and finalise our wedding invitation card. Sometimes the feeling of getting married is incredible but at times I feel lost, lost like an orphan in a crowd. Lost like a blind in the dark, lost like an abundant child.

I had mixtures of emotions today. I had been out with my mom-in-law to get things from the market to prepare for the evening as we were planning to celebrate dad’s birthday (father-in-law), and then went to meet her in the afternoon so that can help her in preparing food for evening. On the other hand had informed my mom well in advance that she will have to be there to select my wedding invitation card, but sometimes I feel that I am not any important to anyone at home, and sometimes I feel for my family I am their world.

I will be exiting from one house to become a part of another house and make it my home. It’s such a difficult feeling, such a difficult adjustment. Fear mount in me that I should not fail fulfilling my duties towards my new family. I fear if they would accept me as I am. I fear if I will be loved for what I am.

I sometimes wonder how does a girl marries a boy and becomes a part of him and his family, leaving back her own family with whom she has spent her life till the day of marriage. Why is this custom? Why a girl has to leave everything behind and start a new life? Why all the adjustments are in the bag of a woman?

Will I be able to fulfil all the expectations that my would-be family will have? Lot of questions in my mind, but none answered as yet.

Today, my dad-in-law passed a comment; I still didn’t understand the meaning of it. I really do not know if it was for my good or was it some sarcastic comment. Yet I swallowed it. And with this mummy (mom-in-law) explained to me like my own mother that I should not tolerate such comments from anyone, our body is to be respected by us first and we shouldn’t tolerate anybody’s comment.

I love her; really love her a lot by now. When I am with her, I do not feel I am alone, because her presence makes me feel loved and comfortable.

We selected the design and content of the invitation card, my mom and bro turned out to be there with me. Felt too happy. Later in the evening he was there at home and we all had food and drink and thus ended my day happily.